Every where I turn people seem to be terrified of turning thirty. My facebook news feed is full of invites to events called "Oh my god I'm ancient!" or "Please help me drink enough to forget I'm 30". Elsewhere in the press I have read articles this week on experiencing a quarter life crisis as you approach thirty and how upsetting it is actually to be in your thirties. Come on ladies, let's try and get a bit of perspective here! Not least because your thirties truly are the best decade of your life.
The first thing I'll say is that you do need to do a bit of ground work to make sure that you have the very best time in your thirties. Your late twenties are the time to take stock of where you are in life, work out what it is that you really want and set about getting it. Get your head straight up front and I guarantee that you will love your thirties, no matter what your situation. Here are a few reasons why.
There seemed to be lots of reasons not to - it might go off accidentally in your bag in the middle of a shop, humiliating you shrilly as you frantically search through your keys and lipsticks to turn it off.
And if you do manage to locate it and turn it on during an attack, people will pay as much attention to it as they do to car alarms, and leave you to fend off the attacker yourself. Possibly, the best we could hope for is temporarily deafening him.
A review of rape alarms over on Shiny Shiny got me thinking. I've never carried one. It has occurred to me that I should get one. I live in a not too swanky area of London and I walk home from the bus stop alone late at night. Sometimes, quite worse for wear. So why aren't I carrying a rape alarm?
But spare a thought for what the poor women of the 1930s had to go through when Aunt Flo came to stay.
First they had to hoist on a big nappy, then attach it to a special belt, then wash their hands in a silver bowl while looking in the mirror at midnight under a waning gibbous moon...
Well, probably not that last bit. But it was a bit complicated.
Luckily Kotex put out this brochure to help womenkind educate its daughters about the process.
Called 'Marjorie May's Twelfth Birthday', this curious vintage piece has been documented in its glory by Flickr user wiebe_ben. Take a look! And then give your nice, low-maintenance modern products a cuddle. Or um, maybe not.
That Tampax Pearl advert is really getting my goat at the moment. What's the heck is it on about? "I invented pearl!" "Not that pearl, this pearl!" What? Erm... I'm confused. Not only confused, but really really bored of 'lady adverts'. Why are they so patronising?
Yesterday, I got sent a press release about Boris Johnson. That doesn't happen very often. You see, part of his pre-election campaign focussed on saving London's only rape crisis centre. He promised to fund it for the next four years. He also promised to open three more centres across the capital. None of that has happened yet. Now, the possibility of him reneging on this promise looks possible. So what can you do to help make sure this doesn't happen?
Do you like GHOSTS? Do you like PINK? Do you like me TYPING IN CAPITALS LIKE THIS?
Well then, good news everyone - AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, the art of necromancy - that is, communing with the dead - has until now been a largely male-dominated arena. Look at, erm, Derek Acorah. I'm almost entirely positive that he's a man. And uh, that other guy. YOU KNOW. The one who's a barber but also a psychic. Him.
Anyway, NOW it turns out we girls can do it, too! Because Hasbro have brought out a special pink ouija board for girlies! They've probably added the suffx "ie" to the traditional alphabet layout of ouija boards, because everyone knows girlies like to add "ie" to the end of everything.
So follow us over the jumpie and let's have a little lookie at this pinkie ouija boardie thingo.
Earlier this week, I went to the hospital to get my injured foot checked out. I spent ten minutes being judged by a female doctor because I "spend my time running about all day" and wore high heels (granted my foot problem was probably caused by my footwear but that isn't the point). What gets me is the way I was spoken to. I was patronised and judged for no good reason. My treatment was put second because the doctor thought that being a bitch was more appropriate. Would she ever have done that to a guy? I doubt it.
This is Svetlana Loboda, this year's Ukrainian Eurovision entrant. Her video is quite the oddest thing. Very entertaining and really bizarre.
Even more bizarre than that Shakira video where she turns into a cartoon and attacks a woman, then Superman and Batman come to her rescue while she dances like a robot.
Come on over the jump to watch Svetlana's crazy video for 'Be my Valentine', and gawp at the rest of the freakery we have in store for you.
Britain's Next Top Model has started and while this version isn't a patch on Tyra's across the pond, it still makes for pretty addictive viewing. But this time there's a twist (isn't their always?) One of the contestants is battling anorexia.
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