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How to be a Black Metal Housewife

I love Black Metal. At least in idea, if not in actual practice. As amusing comedy musical genres go, it's the tops. What's not to love about a load of men indulging in sweaty homoerotic past times involving goats blood, sacrificial virgins and more make up than a branch of Superdrug?

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As you also may have gathered, I also have a bit of a soft spot for domesticity. Please bear in mind that an appreciation of domesticity doesn't mean that I'm particularly great at it. The current state of the attic room I live in is testament to that. I can't sew, knitting appears to be a task beyond the limitations of my motor skills, and, I'll let you into a secret here. I can't iron to save my life.

So, I have immense admiration for anyone who can do all of these things, and write a blog about how to keep your favourite Venom t-shirt looking as black as your bitter Gothic heart. Behold then the wonder of the Atmospheric Black Metal Kitchen. Writen by a girl who describes herself as being the darkest of all music genre's own answer to looking like new (remember, WOOLITE IST KRIEG) , handy pointers on stitching etiquette and care to ensure your patches don't fall off in a particularly energetic moshpit, and, perhaps most importantly of all, some rather fantastic advice on how to use soap. After all, a clean metalhead is a true metalhead.

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If, like my good self, your forté lies more in the baking side of affairs, then any sweet toothed appreciator of Thrash will appreciate The Black Oven, a blog dedicated to how to make Immaculate confections succumbed to northern darkness

The Black Oven is a work of wonder. Not only are the recipes so damn tasty, you'll be sacrificing the first of each batch to Odin, the cooking methods show that the production of fine confectionary is a dark art indeed. Somehow I can't imagine that you ever find Jamie Oliver telling Channel 4 viewers that their Les Petit Gateau de Légions-Noires are best enjoyed with a clenched hand to the heart in coronary distress.

Celebrities

Home improvement

image011.jpgWhat with all of us feeling the nip of the crunch, more and more people are plugging to stay in their homes and improve rather than move. One of the easiest and often cheapest areas to revamp are your walls. Forget kitchens, bathrooms and the deceptively expensive curtain change, the walls are where its at.

I've recently been spotting all sorts of wall adornments in the shops.
Have a trot down to Kingly Court in Carnaby Street and have a look in lifestyle boutique 'Supernice'. These guys create wall art that can be put up and taken down whenever you feel like a change. Ideal for people who always change their minds, there's a design to suit every mood, from bright and bold spots, to intricate and fantastical scenes. The original designs will transform a room in no time for as little as £16.

Another option is wall paper. If you can find a helpful strapping man to put it up for you as it can be a bit of a pain but a nice excuse to look at a rippling back!
Meg Mathews has some amazing designs and we are told that Sadie Frost herself has a downstairs loo covered in the skull patterns.

Posted by Louise Orcheston-Findlay on January 15, 2009 4:03 PM in Celebrities| Crafty| Home and Living| Louise Orcheston-Findlay
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How to...

Dollymix existential question: how do you get unstuck?

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It is never too late to turn the tide, Lesley Garner wrote in The Telegraph yesterday:

"It doesn't matter how old you are: you are never too young or too old to feel stuck or, far better, to get un-stuck. I have seen teenagers sobbing that their life is a failure and I have seen 90-year-olds begin an exciting new life in a different country.

"Take a few deep breaths and remember a mantra, murmured by a slave in the ear of triumphant Roman generals: "This also will pass." The good things pass, and the bad things, too. The important thing is to keep dancing."

But how do you get unstuck? How do you 'keep dancing'?

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Websites

Top 5 blogs - this week: design

I like a bit of design, me. Not doing it so much - I used to be a decent web designer and I can draw adequately - but, as I mentioned before, I don't really have the patience or coordination for crafty pursuits (also I seem to be a clutter-magnet).

But I like design. And when the world gets too much, with all its bustle and jarring noises, I like to retire to a quiet corner with some design blogs and soothe my head with their pretty layouts, genius finds and clever arrangements.

So I thought I would share my top five design blogs with you after the jump.

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Home and Living

(Handy)women of the week: Home Jane

1596898776_3b428e233e.jpgLast week, my boiler broke. I spent three days a very shivery little blogger. Now, I have no water. I need my tea! I can't blog without tea! Short of getting Shiny Towers to pay for me to live in The Dorchester for the rest of the week (guys? any chance?) I've got to get someone in to do the work.

And after a chat with your next guest editor, Laura Kidd, I've realised I'd be much more comfortable with a woman doing it. So this week, instead of just one woman of the week, you've got a whole bunch of them.

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Posted by Sian Meades on November 25, 2008 11:01 AM in Home and Living| Why I love...| Women on Top
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Picture question

Picture Question: Would you sleep in this?

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Gallery

Top 5 Fictional Females' Flats

Or 'apartments' if you're reading this from 'across the pond'. Since the Sex and the City book of the movie came out, and we learned that Carrie's desk had to be bought back from a museum or something so that her flat would look perfect, we've been obsessed with the idea of the fabulous women's flats in film and television. Click on Carrie Bradshaw's place to start the gallery!

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Friday Show & Tell

Friday Show & Tell: what's by your bed?

bedside.jpgWe've peered over and checked out each other's desktops, we've sneaked a peek in each other's bags.

Now it's time to get friendly in the bedroom. As ever, I'll start us off. Join in when you think you know the tune.

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Home and Living

Homely Tuesday: house-boats, flat-pack houses, rocky roads

girl1.jpgCredit crunch, price crash, blah blah... it's about time we had some good house-related news, isn't it? Even if we have to make it up?


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Fun & Games

Luxuriously cooling links: weird sorbets, naked holidays, cold baths, soda streams


Isn't sorbet brilliant? Lighter and less fatty than ice cream, with much weirder, wonderfuller flavours. Here's how to make one out of blueberry and lavender, or if you're that way inclined, melon, lime and basil.

If all those clothes are making you feel all hot and sweaty, why not take a nakation? Less packing, too...

"Exposure to cold water constricts the blood vessels, stimulating the thyroid and lymphatic system to flush out metabolic and cellular waste." Have a cold bath today!

...and it looks like Lakeland are stocking Soda Stream again. So much less convenient than just buying some pop but so much more RETRO!