With Valentine's day just around the corner we're declaring ourselves a hearts-and-roses free zone here at Dollymix this week. Not because we have anything against romance, but because frankly, there's enough of it going on elsewhere. So in the spirit of rebellion, I quizzed our all-female team about a subject that's close to many people's hearts (sorry) at this time of year: bad dates.
Q. What's the worst date you've ever been on?
Gemma: The guy who posed the question "If you had to sleep with either your mum or your dad, which would you choose?" on a first date. For some reason I can't understand now, that was not our *last* date.
Abi: Not sure where to start. I could mention the chap who talked about his rather dull hobby for four hours while I tried to plot my escape, then followed me to the train station, got on the train with me (he lived in the other direction) and proceeded to try and snog my unresponsive and horrified face before making one of those 'weh-hey!' gestures. That was pretty vile. But then there was also the seemingly nice and respectable besuited guy who told me a pack of lies about why there was a baby's crib in his room only to come clean later about his wife and child.
There was also the guy conducting research for a book involving dating, who used his novel as carte blanche to never have to commit (in fairness to him there really was a book and he did tell me about it on day one) and I've lost count of the number of secret service spies I came into contact with during my couple of years in the dating world.
Anon: I went on a date with an actor from a dating site who talked me through every role he'd ever had, (mainly being an extra in The Bill/Casualty...god haven't they all!) and how he'd always been second in line to being the lead in various many films. He made it blatantly clear he had zero money, and that I would have to buy the drinks. He was also highly competitive in his number of 'like's on said dating site and was more than happy to boast about the number of dates he'd had. At the end of the night, even though I obviously wasn't interested in him, he went to kiss me, I dodged his lunge and he fell flat on his face! Even after that he was surprised I didn't want to see him again...ideeee-j-iot!
Jess: I was working as a waitress
at a hotel in Cornwall. The one and only perk was the free spa
membership. One afternoonthis guy joins me in the jacuzzi, and we chat for a bit: he then persuades me to let him take me out for dinner that
evening. I'm a poor student and as he's OK to look at and very
persistent; I finally accept. Later, he picks me up and we
drive to the 'restaurant' aka Wetherspoons. We have dinner,
but as conversation is awkward and I can feel the chilli nachos
threatening to make a re-appearance, I decline on desert in favour of
going home. He insists on driving me back and
as it's cold and I'm a lazy student, I accept.
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If you can relate to the tales of woe detailed above (or if you just enjoy a sadistic gawp at those who can), you might enjoy Crap Dates; a new collection of disastrous encounters from the single life by the fabulous Rhodri Marsden:
It's available now on Amazon for just £3.99
What's the worst date you ever went on? Tell all (anonymously if you like) below...
