I spotted over on the wonderful Slummy Single Mummy's blog that a town in France has taken a landmark decision to ban the term 'Mademoiselle' (Miss) as an official title for unmarried women. There is no French term for 'Ms', so all women from their teenage years will now take the single term 'Madame' before their names, putting the term on equal footing with the masculine 'Monsieur'. This got me wondering: what if we were to do the same here in the UK? I really like the idea, and here's why.
It seems to me that many women would simply like the confusion over female titles ironed out once and for all, so we don't have to agonise over what we call ourselves. Relationship status is a weirdly personal basis for official terms like titles, and seems at odds with how we define ourselves in the 21st century. The Daily Mail's Femail article today reminded us all of how we cannot escape from the identities our titles give us when it asked "Does every 'Miss' secretly wish she was a 'Mrs?'" but does calling yourself "Ms" exempt you from this type of speculation? Sadly, I would say not.
'Ms' is intended to create equality in the naming conventions of men and women but for many, still has feminist overtones they don't want to convey. This is not the fault of 'Ms' as a term in itself, but the problem is that it was introduced as an alternative rather than a replacement for Miss/Mrs. In many ways it has contributed to the issue it was meant to solve, because there has never been a wholesale migration to 'Ms'.
As I see it, if you use 'Ms', whether you like it or not, speculation will occur over why you chose that title. Use it as a younger woman and you're clearly a militant feminist - not a problem for everyone, but potentially not accurate. Use it in middle age and you're probably trying to hide the fact that you're not married. Use it as an older woman and you're automatically a divorcee - and the fact that there's a choice of titles at all means - you've guessed it - you'll also have your motives put under scrutiny if you choose 'Miss' or 'Mrs'.
I know people who use Ms. for all kinds of reasons, not all of them remotely feminist. One is not wanting to be obviously unmarried at a certain age: a sad result when it was first brought in partly to move away from the obsession with marital status in naming conventions applied to women, but entirely understandable. There are people who use 'Ms' for business purposes: it's an easy way to carry on using your maiden name if you marry and don't wish to disappear from the career radar.
On the other hand, I've known unmarried women who want to make a point of their objection to the institution insist on using 'Miss' despite declaring themselves to be feminist, so it's by no means the traditionalist's choice. Many women veer between all three titles never quite becoming comfortable with any one. I for one have been Miss, then Ms, then Miss again depending more or less on my mood - if you were to ask me today whether I was a Miss or a Ms I'd have to answer honestly that I don't know.
I'm not condemning any choice of title that a woman might want to choose, and actually find it quite fascinating what motivates us to choose one over the other. But the examples above do a lot to explain the complexity of having three female titles in common usage and the problems that they cause for women. If it were to become the law that we just used one title I think it would be a relief to many women, taking this troublesome decision out of our hands.
So what do you think: are you Ms. Mrs or Ms and why?
