Flirt Diva's essential flirting skills #1: How to Flirt

By AbiSilvester

flirt-diva.jpgAs of today, we're delighted to introduce Flirt Diva aka Sue Ostler to the site. Author and expert of all things mating, dating and matchmaking, she's here to solve your dating dilemmas and dish the dirt on all things sex, lust, and the morning after...

This week, we're going back to basics with a guide for anyone looking to brush up on their flirting skills.

Week 1: What is Flirting?

As a flirt, it is your job to observe what's going on around you - and respond to it - even during the most ordinary situations and mundane transactions of your life. During these transactions, it's not about a sexual agenda - it's about using your charm, making others feel special and amazing, and maybe in the process, catching the heart of someone you fancy!

The reality however, is that most of us need a little finesse before we put our best foot forward - if your personal style is lacking, learn how to sharpen it up and go forth confidently with your own signature flirting style.

Firstly though, how do you rate your flirting style? If you're like the rest of the British female population, you're probably a very subtle flirt; in other words what you might think is flirting, is more likely to be straight out of the 'Blink and you'll Miss It' mould. In other words, you think you're flirting, but he's got no clue!

Generally speaking men will not make a move until they have a clear and direct invitation. They will look for the non-verbal signs that tell them you're keen. So unless you are upfront with your flirting, you are missing opportunities. And while I agree that it's up to men to make the first move, it is one hundred percent up to you to give them the Green Light, or drop the white hanky as it were. That's your role, and you need to be upfront about it if you want results. For his part, he will keep his eye peeled to your every move to watch what's really going on.

How do you know if you're flirting? You'll be bold and daring for starters. You'll look into his eyes for a split second longer than normal and do the touchy-feelies - a pat on the wrist here, a playful punch to the pecs there. You will dish out a Snog-me-Senseless-Smile and flick your hair like your life depends on it! You will do these things because these are the Internationally Recognised signs that tell him more than words ever will. The trick is to display them clearly.

Let me reiterate: if you want to show someone you fancy them without saying a word, you need to transmit your signals loudly and clearly. In other words, you need to bang him over the head with it! Not in a silly, OTT way, but by finding those gestures that work best for you and applying them with frequency and repetition.

The best way to do that is to get out there, take off the blinkers and practice. Learn to incorporate the your flirting techniques as a matter of habit; otherwise, if you're not paying attention, you will find that you always end up in the Friend-Zone :( Over the next 4 weeks we will hone in on the key techniques you will use to develop your flirting repertoire and refine your routine. It's for you if:

  • You have 'blank face' syndrome
  • You're dreading the experience of keeping the banter flowing
  • You're ready to step out and try your new techniques
  • You want to be remembered for the right reasons!

The Top 3 Components of Flirting:

Incorporate these into your everyday interaction:

Eye Contact - You're uncomfortable with how to make eye-contact? Conquer the fear of actually looking at someone, really looking at them, you'll be on the way to making an unforgettable connection.

Body Language -You're ready to let your body language do the talking - learn to work the most classic and recognisable signals: the hair flick, the hand on the hip, the confident body posture, the fingers in overdrive as they stroke the rim of your wine glass -- come on you should know this, you've seen Basic Instinct!

Banter - If your conversations are more information-seeking missions than mere banter, focus on keeping the chats light, fluffy and fun. It's not the Spanish Inquisition, it's meant to be fun! Save the questions and interrogations for later, and strive to find those mutual interests that give you the Jackpot Moments and ensure he comes back for more.

Join us next Monday for more great relationship tips from Flirt Diva. Email with any questions or dilemmas!

Sue's Books, featuring much more flirting and relationship advice are available via Amazon

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