Whenever you write about children's television, you always feel duty bound to say Pah! Kids nowadays! When I was a child back in the 1980s, we had a veritable cornocopia of premium entertainment! somehow forgetting that we too were bombarded with cheap (and frankly bizarre) foreign imports (if you want an example, then look no further than He-Man and She-Ra who were only created to sell a line of dolls).
However, it appears that those up on high are also thinking that entertainment for those not yet legal enough to experience all the thrills and spills one can only get from a bottle of Cherry flavoured 20/20 and ten Superkings has hit the skids. A report released by the BBC Trust yesterday said that viewing figures for such children's entertainment stalwarts as Blue Peter and Newsround are in decline, and it's all that evil Anne Robinson's fault.
Various commentators are saying that the reason kids are no longer watching these programmes isn't just because The Weakest Link has hit BBC1's teatime schedules, but also because kids have now have access to a wide array of mindblowing entertainment via satellite kids channels and the internet. Why sit around with your fishfingers and chips watching the squeaky clean Blue Peter crew show you how to make a spaceship out of a Fairy Liquid bottle when you can watch Elijah Wood doing his special dancey dance on Nickelodeon's amazing Yo Gabba Gabba?
Still, because I am a sucker for both lists AND nostalgia, I thought that instead of sitting around debating whether kids would prefer to watch gameshows or cartoons, I'd throw together a quick TOP FIVE of my favourite kids TV programmes of all time. Well, if by "all time" you mean "this minute." I can assure you, If you ever meet me in real life, then this list will probably be liable to change.
1) Dick and Dom in da Bunglow.
Words cannot express how much I loved watching this programme on Saturday mornings. To me, it was as essential to my weekend as bacon sandwiches, coffee and going out and getting completely shitfaced after work on a Friday. Plus, it managed to be really, really, REALLY funny; involving kids dancing around with pants on their head, a strange Geordie policeman, seeing how loudly you could shout the word BOGIES! in public, and, in one memorable episode, involved one of the duo shooting out plastic babies from between his legs, thereby mentally scarring a generation of young children for life.
2) Jem
Bloody Jem. I was so fixated with her when I was five years old, that for a month or so, I managed to convince myself that I really was Jem, despite her being a fictional character (I was an odd child). In fact, I still harbour fantasies that one day I will buy a pair of star shaped earrings which will magically turn me into a pink-haired pop star.
3) Wacaday
I once had a picture my Dad took of a sandcastle I built on holiday in Wales shown on Wacaday when I was 8. I have admired Timmy Mallet for this ever since. However, nowadays, wouldn't a strange bespectacled man hitting children over the head with a foam hammer be considered to be child abuse?
4) Knightmare
Ok, hands up. Who didn't want to go on Knightmare back when they were a nipper? Well, I did anyway, so long as I wasn't the kid wearing the helmet who always appeared to get killed by really stupid things like evil doors and mental flying witches.
5 Rainbow
No list of this ilk would be complete without a mention of Rainbow, a kids show which demonstrated that a 40 year old batchelor, a man in a giant bear suit, a gay hippo and a zip....thing can all live together in perfect harmony. They even had their own folk trio (the alarmingly haired Rod, Jane and Freddy) to come round occasionally and sing them educational songs about sharing your tinned spaghetti hoops or some such.
Anyway, that's my Top Five. Be sure to let me know yours in the comments Dollymixers!
