HAPPY VALENTINES DAY DOLLYMIXERS! Or, if you're not attached, Happy Single-Awareness-Day! For yes, the so-called most romantic day of the year has rolled its bandwagon into town once again. Whilst I do have a boyfriend who managed to get me a present so mindboggingly brilliant, I almost got down on one knee and proposed to him (see photograph), I'm not totally ignorant of the fact that if you're not attached, the culture around Valentines Day can make you feel a bit worthless.
Prior to meeting my ex in Summer 2007, I was single for three long years, and know all too well the horrors of working in an office where everyone apart from yourself is surrounded by sappy cards and red roses. All these things appear to designed to make the single girl feel like crap whilst simulatenously worrying that she'll die alone and end up being eaten by her 55 cats.
I try not to "do" Valentines Day for a number of reasons. Mainly because I'm not particularly girly, and believe that there's more to life than wasting my hard earned money on overpriced tat. Plus, I told Mr. Cay in no uncertain terms that if he bought me heart shaped chocolates, flowers or (perish the thought!) a novelty teddybear, I'd have no hesitations in feeding them to his next door neighbour's dog.
It's not always been overly romantic affectations in the Miss Cay household however. Oh no no no. In fact, I've had more than my fair share of BAD Valentines Day experiences. So, for the benefit of everyone who's not popping themselves into a frenzy over the (supposedly) most loved up day of the year, let me present to you my TOP FIVE WORST VALENTINES DAY EXPERIENCES OF ALL TIME....SO FAR.
1) FEBRUARY 14TH 2001: I am eighteen years old and full of an incredibly nasty dose of the flu. I wait in bed all day for a Valentine's Day card from my boyfriend which never arrives. "Oh well," thinks I with my youthful naievity, "Perhaps he was strapped for cash and decided to send me a virtual one instead." So I stagger downstairs and check my email and discover...nothing there. Aforementioned boyfriend decided not to bother with Valentine's Day that year, mainly because he rang me up at 7pm that evening to dump me. I think he was relying on the fact that he lived in Leeds and I was too ill to move to ensure that I didn't hunt him down like the dog he was and kick his arse.
2) FEBRUARY 14TH 2002: I am working in a rather grotty pub in Camden, and have decided to work on Valentines Day to forget chronic lack-of-boyfriend-ness. Just as I'm clearing up at the end of the night, a fight kicks off between elderly gentleman which gets a little raucous. One kicks the other's false teeth out which fly across the bar and nearly hit me in the face. I decide to hide behind the bar whilst they try to glass each other with the nearest things to hand. I then attend a disco in my Halls of Residence where everyone is snogging each other senseless apart from myself. I end up getting drunk on cheap vodka on Primrose Hill with my best friend at 4am.
3) FEBRUARY 14TH 2004: I am now twenty one years old, living in London and in a relationship I believe to be going swimmingly. However, said boyfriend is a massive Manchester City fan. And this Valentine's Day manages to coincide with the Manchester Derby. He does manage to save himself by cooking me a lovely meal (read: microwaving a Thai Green Curry bought with loving care from Waitrose), buying me some Agent Provocateur underwear and serving me champagne cocktails in bed, but the actual day itself was rubbish. Mainly because I had to go to work with an evil hangover, I'm having a few problems with my "ladybits" and also because City lost, so he wasn't really in a very talkative mood.
Five days later he decided to start an affair with his best (female) friend and it all went a bit downhill from there...
4) FEBRUARY 14TH 2006: I have been asked out on a date by a skateboarding graphic designing, half-Russian half-Polish young gentleman. He is gorgeous, charming and I am very excited. I become less excited when he decides to stand me up. I end up going back to my bedsit, having a cry and ordering a pizza.
5) FEBRUARY 14TH 2007: My lovelife is still in the doldrums. The person I have a crush on, and have kind-of-been-seeing over the past few months now has a girlfriend and will only speak to me on a professional basis. I also get looked over for a promotion at the publishers I was working at at the time, and burn my hand really badly attempting to make myself a nice meal to alleviate the day's epic shitness. By 9pm I am getting absolutely trashed on whiskey and cokes in a Lesbian bar whilst watching the Brit Awards and texting my friend James about anal fisting. I ended up sat in Piccadilly Station cradling an open bottle of wine crying down the phone to my parents.
So, if your February 14th isn't turning out the way you hoped, take heart. You are not alone. And, if you're still looking for the love of your life and haven't yet given up hope, why don't you attend the Anarchist's Speed Dating event in Kings Cross tonight? Have fun!
Picture courtesy of {J} and Pink Sherbet Photography from the "Love" photostream on Flickr.com