I was overjoyed when I found out that Coolio was to be starring in this year's Celebrity Big Brother. Not that I'm a particularly big BB fan, but Coolio? Every night? On MY television?! 
Yes please! I love Coolio, not least for Gangster's Paradise, but more for Cooking With Coolio, his cooking show on My Damn Channel. My favourite part of him being on Big Brother was when he indignantly shouted in the diary room "but I'm a chef! I have my own cookery programme!" when he wasn't allowed anything to do with the shopping list.
If any of you have ever seen Cooking With Coolio, you'll know that at one point he deep-fries a whole turkey, and his mark of a good dish is its tasting "better than yo momma's titties". He's no Heston Blumenthal.
However, my initial excitement quickly dissipated when I realised that Coolio is actually a bit of a twat. On entering the house, one of his quotes on the experience he was about to undertake was that he "hoped there were no ugly women".
This made me bristle instantly, because a) I always feel a bit uncomfortable when someone's cussing "ugly"/"fat"/whatever girls because I'm like "what? What? Have you just not realised I'm sat RIGHT HERE?!", and b) fucking get a grip Coolio, you're going into a house, getting paid shitloads, and it's only for three weeks, what difference is it going to make if the women are ugly or not?
My initial worries were cemented as Coolio developed a pretty massive grudge against actress Tina Malone, which apparently seemed to be based on the fact she was offending him by being "ugly". Accusatory glances when she was let loose in the kitchen, "hungry bitch gone ate it all up", making the hugest deal ever about the fact she looked like the troll princess from Shrek, what?! He's almost as bad as Mick "women don't deserve to be alive unless they're thin and beautiful" Hucknall (apart from Coolio's dreads aren't ginger, and his songs are infinitely better). And I really don't like Mick Hucknall.
So, now, my admiration is lying in tatters around Coolio's metaphorical feet, and I can barely watch Cooking with Coolio without tears pouring out of my eyes and down my face. Okay, that's not strictly true, and to be honest, there's more important controversy to come out of the newest Celebrity fish tank, what with Ben Adam's admission that he'd happily play a concert for the BNP, but still, it's just another unfortunate tick in the "celebrities are horrors" box.
