I don't have central heating in my house, so on days like today getting dressed for the office is a serious procedure. Base layer - check. Three jumpers - check. Tights under jeans - check. Cosy slippers - check. Fingerless gloves - check.
I walk the 15 paces from my bedroom to my studio and settle down to work, pausing for a moment to consider donning a wooly hat then catching sight of my heavily padded self in the mirror. No hat today, perhaps, but how about plenty of wintry news stories to make us all feel less like our fingers are going to fall off:
- Robbie Williams might, some day, possibly, maybe, rejoin Take That - but then again he might not. "I do believe we will one day, I just don't know when" says Gary Barlow, almost quoting his own lyrics. "I do believe we will one day, come what may, Robbie and four more men, singing but I don't know what or when". You can have those beautiful verses, Gary, think of it as a Christmas present from me to you.
- Polar bear evicted from Berlin zoo - did he fall behind on rent? Was his music too loud? No, Knut is being forced out due to a lack of zoo funds. Chief bear keeper Heiner Klös says "Knut must finally find a new home". Pardon me for asking, but where's a polar bear expected to go? Everyone knows it's harder to find a new flat at Christmas time.
- More evictions, this time a group of women kicked out of a pub for being too old. "Daughters can come in, but not the mums" said staff at The Courtyard Bar in Leeds to the group of 15 professionals, one of whom had recently visited the same bar for a friend's 60th birthday. Are pubs trying so hard to be young and trendy they'll turn away good money? Haven't they heard of the credit crunch?
- Deep voices turn women on - scientists studying the effect of voice pitch on hunter-gatherers in Tanzania have the astounding news that "Women who are ovulating or looking for a mate were more likely to be interested in a man with a deep voice because that suggests dominance and better genes". Hello? George Clooney, Harrison Ford, Samuel L Jackson, Jack Nicholson, Seth Rogen...yes, I could have told you that! With the world's financial institutions crumbling around our ears, polar bears being evicted and ladies kicked out of pubs, is it really appropriate to pay for scientists to travel to Africa to play tapes of high and low pitched voices to tribespeople?
- Ice, ice, baby - Norweigan composer Terje Isungset is in London to provide the musical accompaniment for Cindarella at the Lyric, bringing some unlikely instruments with him - ice shards, a bicycle wheel, a glass drumkit and a trumpet carved from a 25,000 year old glacier. Best quote of the article - "We build igloos to record in". Hey - got a job for a friendly polar bear?
I'm off to stamp my feet, clap my hands and drink copious amounts of hot tea. What are you doing to keep warm at work today?
