We're about ten minutes away from the start of The Devil's Whore and I'm still yet to get myself a beer. Will I have enough time to write an intro and get back to the sofa? Let's hope so or I'm not playing. Here's what I'm expecting to see tonight:
- Sex in the first five minutes and gazillion euphemisms for getting laid.
- Too many ways of saying "I don't like you and will probably slap you in the face in episode two." Yay! Bitch fight!
- Lots of dresses I really really really want. To wear at parties or something.
- I'm going to be left in PREDICTABLE CLIFFHANGER SHOCKER. I hate that.
Ooooh, still enough time to get beer. 5...4...3...2...1...
22:16 That's it from me. No more liveblogging tonight! My predictions for next week? More shagging. Lots more angry men moaning about troublesome women. She'll probably have sex with John-Life on Mars-Simm at some point very soon.
Well tried Channel Four, but could do better.
22:15 It's finished now. And I'm all very muddled. It's not really a costume drama. It's a bit more like a war drama with a bit of shagging. Playing far too much on history stuff that *we're meant to already know*.
22:14 Haha! All credibility ruined at the end by random devil special effects on top of building. WTF?
22:12 She blames herself for not shutting up. Lots of crying.
Oh! Not hanged! Shot lots and lots! Dead now.
:-(
22:10 King not happy. "You should have obeyed your husband! He should have subdued you!"
So, she's out the streets and he's gonna be hanged. That's not really a very fair decision. This King Charles bloke is not very nice.
22:08 Ooooh, she's come out to join the fun! "No you will not take me nice big house! Fight for it! I'm doing my duty!"
"Where else should I be? I shall stay all costs and die by your side." Awww...
22:04 Oh, it's got another twenty minutes. Strange. more fighting. Boys being boys.
22:00 Aaaah there they are. "Men are dead because you thought!" Welcome back, hubby.
21:57 Party in Oxford now. Big table. Dancing pygmy people. Very PC. now the King is ANGRY. Some people surrendered. Ooops. Where have the interesting people gone? More fighting.
21:56 Surrender! No! Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
21:54 Oliver Cromwell is that bloke off The Wire. Not sure if that'll drag guys away from the football?
21:48 Rather creepy scene where all the dead bodies get up and walk like walking ghosts up the battlefield. That's nice.
21:47 Well as I didn't know who was fighting, I'm not sure who's winning, but they're still at it. Oooh. Lots of dead bodies. Not Harry though. He's got to have a pop at his misses a couple more times.
21:44 WAR! Against who? Why?.... Wikipedia brilliance:
"the first Civil War pitted the supporters of King Charles I against the supporters of the Long Parliament"
Do we see now? Yes. much clearer.
21:41 Important History plot bit. Treason, parliament etc etc. Now she's wearing a dress that really doesn't fit her so her "bosoms are heaving". She's having a chat with the King. Getting involved with business that's not hers. Oh dear. She's just told the King he's wrong. Bugger.
21:38 Oooh back on now. Post shagging chat: "Are you a whore madam? Did Satan enter you? Why do you make all those noises?" Ain't he lovely?
21:36 Yay adverts! (Thank god for that!) This ad break is being bought to you by annoying housemate and Corona. Annoying housemate says hello and tells me to "get a real job". FFS.
21:33 "Harry, will you not come to me tonight?"...."Ay, if you will be silent." He's a charmer isn't he? Teeheehee!
21:30 It is John Simm from Life on Mars! It is! he's insinuating our lovely heroine is governed by her hubby. he's right y'know. Also, he's flirting with her quite a lot and they will end up nekkid before the end of the episode.
21:27 The King did something bad. Everyone is very angry. They're trying to overthrow the king! What King? Where? They are talking of "overturning the world!". All very exciting even if I don't know what's going on.
21:24 Ooooh Angelica gets into trouble for poking her nose into Royal business. Hasn't she watched The Tudors on BBC2? Land you in all sorts of trouble. Just in case you were wondering, it's really not clear what exactly is going on.
21:22 They did not marry for money, they married for love actually. His name's Harry by the way. Missing a couple of buttons on his shirt.
21.17 Imagine his dad knocking on the door and saying "a drink, to make my boy lusty". That'd do it for me. This show is brilliant.
21:13 Angelica, the heroine of our tale (sorry, the old school voice is rather contagious) has just got married. To her cousin. nice. Her wedding dress was a bit creased though. She's standing on a table, showing her ankles to boys. How sexy. I might try that. Aaaaah i see... throwing her garters at them. Trollop. What happened to throwing a bouquet?
21:12 Housemate does not understand liveblogging and interrupted. Am now a bit lost and admiring the dresses. Oooh that bloke looks like John Simm of Life on Mars fame.
21:08 Talking about sex without saying sex already! Hurrah! Apparently Angelica's spirit must be er.... broken. That's old school speak for "stop having orgasms you screaming whore."
21:06 Oooh! Apparently based on a true story. *Exciting*. And probably bollocks.
21:03: Ooooh. Strong start. Excellent interior design, bloke with funny beard. *Important plot* CATHOLICISM IS BAAAAAAD.
21:01: Beer situation rectified. *Fingers at the ready* Shit sponsors advert.
