1. Carol Klein. OK, here's what I don't get about Gardener's World. Monty Don's stepped down... so why isn't Carol Klein in charge now? She's been sort of Acting Head since Monty left, but they've just given the real job to some newcomer. I'm sure he's very good, but I just find it hard to believe that anyone can actually be as good as Carol. Sure, she looks a bit like an alternate reality Annie Lennox crossed with a scarecrow, but that's her. She's always herself. And I love Alys, I do, even despite the glasses. But she has an air of youthful uncertainty about her - you need maturity and a reliably safe pair of hands to captain a ship like Gardener's World. AND there has never been a woman at the helm. I want to see Carol in charge. Officially. You with me? (I'm the only one here who watches Gardener's World, aren't I?)
2. Hadley Freeman. She's a fashion writer in The Guardian where she reports to Jess Cartner Morley. I adore Jess too, don't get me wrong, but I have a real soft spot for Hadley. I adore her prose, weep with laughter at the 'Ask Hadley' page every Monday, and find inspiration and a kindred spirit in her references to 80s high school movies. I wouldn't like to say she should lord it over super-brainy Jess, but I'd like to see them as equals. A team. A pair of smart, sharp, wise-cracking fashionistas riding roughshod over The Man like a latter-day, more stylish Thelma and Louise.
3. Tess Daly. I know this one's controversial, but really I think... come in Brucie, your time is up. Tess does a great job comforting the contestants after they've been accused of dancing like a constipated hippo or whatever, and looks after Bruce on-stage, laughing at his jokes, guiding him towards the right camera and generally giving his nurse a break. Tess, step up. You do more than half the work for less than half the credit. Time to waltz into the limelight, if you see what I did there?
4. Billie Piper. Another one that might be controversial. Why isn't Billie Piper, you know, Doctor Who? She's the most popular companion ever. She saved the world. She's worked out how to defy science and travel backwards and forwards between dimensions. And what does she get for it all? A half-hearted (literally) clone of the man she loves and a lifetime on a grey windy beach in Wales.
5. Margaret Mountford from The Apprentice. Margaret and Nick are sort of figures of fun, but the fact is they come from a different time. A better time. Margaret's been on the board of Directors at Amstrad for TEN YEARS and does all the leg work on the show, keeping a beady eye on the hopeless hopefuls. She doesn't miss a trick. Everyone loves Sir Alan, but can we be sure he's actually capable of doing anything? Why isn't Margaret in charge? She's proved herself a hundred times over.