If you're watching Big Brother 9, that means you're fully aware of the delusional, love-struck housemate, also known as Sylvia. It's obvious she likes new *hot* eye candy Stuart (even Mikey knows), but it's also obvious that the feeling is *not* mutual. She's been making herself look a right desperado in front of him and this hasn't gone unnoticed - apart from by her.
This has made me think about the many *many* times I've made a complete prat out of myself in front of possible boyfriend material and wished the floor would swallow me up into some kind of black hole/vortex (I'm not fussy). So, to highlight Sylvia's flirtatious misdemeanours, after the jump is a Top 10 list of the worst things you could do in front of potential boyfriends/husbands/play things.
10. This one's for Sylvia - Coming on tooooo strongi.e. jumping on him, unnecessarily touching and incessantly asking him for hugs and kisses. If Sylvia's behaviour has taught us anything, it's to not come on too strong to guys we like. You end up looking the fool, meanwhile the guy is figuring out how the hell he can get away from you and your constant touchy feely-ness.
9. Awkward silences. Unless of course you manage to make yourself seem mysterious and intriguing, but that's always a hard look to pull off. Mardy sulkster is usually the more common impression provided by muteness. Can't think of what to say? Talk about food. Everyone likes talking about food. If they don't, view them with suspicion.
8. Declaring you take drugs. As a rule of thumb, people who think talking about their drug use makes for interesting chat are nearly always the dullest people in the room. Declaring you're 'stuck in a K-hole' is only going to impress an amphetamine induced psychotic, and as we all know, they're never much fun to be around.
7. Flatulence. It's bad enough when you've been with your boyfriend for a while and you're still waiting to drop the unmentionable fart while watching a movie together, breaking wind is a definite no-no on the first few dates. Even worse than that is scraping your chair, worrying that your date thought it was you farting, and then spending the rest of the evening trying to explain that it wasn't you farting, it was the chair. In detail. With multiple futile attempts to prove it by re-scraping the chair.
6. Setting yourself on fire.You're probably thinking this one's a bit random. Well it's not. There are two people at Shiny Towers who have fallen victim to this awful date mishap, which leads me to believe it's much more common than we may think (or Shiny Towers is peopled with morons. One or the other). It would appear that all that is needed are a few glasses of wine, tea lights and a coffee table and that's the end of your hot date (and the start of a hot arm).
5. Getting food stuck in between your teeth. I'm not talking about the odd bit of black pepper. I'm referring to a mammoth piece of spinach or anything of equal repulsion value, which makes your mouth look highly unattractive and will have your date wishing you hadn't spent so much time talking about food.
4. Mentioning your period pains. Even the most metrosexual males can be seen to blanch at the words "I've got period pain" - usually because they can't do anything to help, they can't empathise, and they don't like to think about all that blood (and really, who does?). Just as you wouldn't walk into a room and declare to a stranger that you're feeling "really gassy", this is something you should save for when you're at the slouching round in PJs and slipper socks stage of the relationship (usually just before the Flatulence stage of the relationship). Then you should talk about it at every opportunity and make many, many unreasonable demands.
3. Finding yourself accidentally defending the Nazis due to a series of misunderstanding that you feel unable to backtrack on. You tell him you're reading a book about the Mitford sisters and have found yourself in the odd position of sympathising with Sir Oswald Mosely and then you see the look on his face and realise you've just made yourself sound a like a Nazi sympathiser. There's no coming back from that one, run away before you hear yourself saying "they weren't all bad... their mother's loved them... Hitler was quite the artist you know"
2. Stating that 'you're not that kind of girl'. This usually means you *so* are, so just don't say it. Let him find out for himself what kind of girl you really are. Also, this will allow you the chance to decide that actually the date has gone well, and you are 'that kind of girl' after all.
1. Getting absolutely hammered and stumbling over. Drinking on a date is fine. Binge-drinking on a date however, is unwise. There's nothing less attractive to a guy than a drunken date who needs to be propped up and escorted out after one too many drinks. Unless, of course, he's the kind of guy often referred to in the press as a "sex pest".
I'm guilty of at least one of the above, and I'm guessing some of you are too! If I've missed any good ones out, let me know in the comments section.
