As much as we like to imagine that our childhoods were as individual as our fingerprints and our parents employed originality to our upbringings, it's a universal truth that most of the photos from that period had been being taken since the dawn of time. It seems the only thing that changes is the face.
How many of these can you tick off, in this one-time only game of Chiiiiiiiiiildhood Bingooooooo (said in the style of OurGraham from Blind Date)?
10. You, naked, aged about ten months. You will be lying on a sheepskin rug, which is weird, because you don't remember the house you grew up in having a sheepskin rug.
9. You, naked in the bath, aged about six. You'll be in the bath with your next door neighbour, who grew up to be incredibly hot and crush-worthy. Whenever your respective parents meet, they will always hark back to the time the two of you shared a bath, which will make you want the floor to open and swallow you whole. Or recreate the experience.
8. You, dressed up the the eights (you couldn't quite reach the nines) all ready for your first school prom. If you're British, you've probably got a slightly bewildered look in your eyes, as you've just realised you've only ever seen proms on US sitcoms and you've no idea what it will be like. Will you have to talk in an American accent? Is it your responsibility to spike the punch or will someone else do it? Teenage angst + man made fabrics = a fun night.
7. You, breast-feeding your teddy. I think this would be an appropriate moment to say *cringe*.
6. You, playing 'How many people can we squeeze into a photobooth?'. Generally, at about four someone gets pissed off because all they contributed was an elbow, and yet had to pay the same 50p as the person with the big fat face in the middle.
5. You, in your school photo. There will undoubtedly be braces, a wonky fringe and quite possibly, Sue Pollard glasses. Every time you see this photo a flood of uncomfortable memories will reduce you to a quivering wreck.
4. You, when you were trying to get the perfect MySpace photo. It's a self portrait, but for some reason you look like you weren't aware a photo was being taken. What other explanation would there be for why you're gazing off into the distance?
3. You, covered in your mother's lipstick. For some reason, your hair's a lot shorter than it was for the rest of your childhood. Oh, that's right. It's the time you used the nail scissors to give yourself a haircut. Somehow, your parents managed to combine an arse whoopin' with a photo session, preserving the moment for posterity. And a warning for future siblings.
2. You, asleep. What's the kicker? You're asleep on your dad's tummy. Who is also asleep!! What are the chances?
1. You, in a box. It's probably Christmas, and your parents are probably sobbing into the stuffing that they spent all that money on a Teddy Ruxspin, only for you to spend the entire day sitting in the box.
Have I forgotten some? Probably. Come in and join the fun - reveal my forgetfulness in the comments section.