Today's Time's Family Secrets features a woman who despite her husband being a "brilliant dad" says that she wishes that she would have married for money instead of love. One might think this woman's husband, Bill, is a bin man. Or perhaps only makes minimum wage, and spends most of his time playing Wii Bowling than he does working. But, it turns out that Bill is actually a teacher, the head of his department and greatly enjoys his job.
Yet this woman, let's call her Greedy Pants, just can't get over the fact that all her friend's husbands make £250k a year and can whisk their wives off to Paris for their birthdays. (Well, if they're not away on a business trip, that is.)
Greedy Pants whines and complains that if only her husband were deputy head post at his school, then perhaps then she could finally be happy. Happy because now she too can stop working and, like her friends, spend "her time at the gym". Obviously, this woman doesn't realize her problem isn't her husband, but her own issues with jealousy and superficiality.
This "family secret" made me so angry that I'm afraid what I would say to this woman if I were brought face to face with her. As someone who was blessed with a far from attentive and loving father, the fact that Greedy Pants could be so complacent about Bill's parenting skills makes me so incredibly sad. She says:
"He's a brilliant dad, and with the girls now reaching their teens, I appreciate how well he gets on with them and puts so much effort into their homework and hobbies. I'd never admit this to friends, but I believe that there's more to life than being good parents."
Obviously, Greedy Pants does not appreciate how many women and children out there would give anything to have a "brilliant" dad that helped them with their homework and showed an interest in their hobbies. It's easy to say that "there's more to life than being a good parent" when your partner is a good parent. I wonder how Greedy Pants would feel if Bill suddenly stopped being so attentive to his daughters. I wonder how she'd feel if he spent more and more at the office due a promotion. How would she feel if he missed their birthdays because he had a meeting abroad...and forgot to call.
What bothers me even more, is that Greedy Pants not once directly mentions the state of her own relationship with Bill. Do they still have sex? Is Bill happy in their relationship? We don't know. What is clear, however, is that she resents him, and I don't think it's about money.
Maybe she wishes she were as close with her children as Bill is. Maybe she resents that he actually is doing what he wants for a living and she is stuck in her "more stressful" medical sales job because she feels that she is the breadwinner, and if she were to leave for a job she actually loves, she will be that much farther away from having a bank account that matches her best friend's. And what could possibly be more horrific than that?!
Greedy Pants closes her "confession" by explaining that she hopes her daughters will marry someone for money instead of love:
Bill tells our girls that they can achieve anything and I agree, but when they start dating, I'll try to guide them (behind his back) towards men who can give them the sort of life I've never had. Feminism's fine, but there's a lot to be said for having your bills paid.
Aw, isn't that nice?
Cate Sevilla is a freelance writer in London and regular contributor to Dollymix.
