Father's day looms ominously ahead, and once again I'm stuck for a meaningful present. Coupled that with the fact that his birthday lies two days before and I'm in deep doo-doo my friends. But what to get him? I've long since resigned myself to the fact that anything I can get him, he can get better, as his salary is hugely disproportionate to mine. I get him a nice Parker pen, he uses a Mont Blanc version. I buy him a digital camera, he goes for an SLR. It's not that I don't love my Dad, but I've realized that at his age, anything he wants he HAS already (or is soon to be purchasing). So presents get a lot, lot harder.
I could go the safe route and opt for aftershave/gardening equipment/pens, or at worse, socks, but none of this really scream, you mean so much to me now does it?
Were I younger I'd have the option of meaningful crayon drawings, Mugs splattered with worlds best dad, hats embroidered with sickly sentiments, and never to be worn, and even the most ego boosting sort of rubbish, photograph key chains and pictures of oneself present to dear ol daddy for adoration. None of that helps now, as being a mature successful employed individual means I should stretch the purse and mental strings a little further and actually go for something he'd like. Hmm.
But what does he like? Well I'm sure my Dad isn't a prototype for all other fathers, but I have to say, not much. He listens to classical music, watches cricket and golf, and likes stamp collecting. Yes, for real.
As I can't afford to buy him Penny Blacks, and he probably has every album Bach ever wrote (you know what I mean) I'm rather at a loss.
Step two: I've called in the troops. namely my two delightful sisters, Lisa 22 and Adina 20. My little brother doesn't count as he's 11, and can still get away with a cloying doodle. They're just as stumped as I am. Adina suggest a posh wine (he doesn't drink) and Lisa thinks a card will suffice. We agree on £20 each (£10 for Adina as she's a student), but we're still no closer to the holy grail of Dad-dom.
First we need to agree on what a present should entail. Adina nervously says we should get him something he wants, with no suggestion of what it is, and I say we should get him something he DOESN'T NEED. This doesn't go down to well with the gruesome twosome, before I explain my philosophy. We've now accepted that Dad can have anything he pretty much wants, but what about all the things he doesn't get, as he thinks it's a waste of money? Surely a present should cater to whims of fancy rather than practicality (which is why I'm so against boring wedding lists and mine will be in Selfridges dah-ling).
Step Three: The Gift
After much deliberation and fretting I decide what we need to get Dad is something he'll cherish, and as we're all still rather blank I suggest a signed copy of a book by his favourite author Mr Terry Pratchett. They grudgingly agree (it's not the most inventive idea, and he'll have read it) and I set off to scour eBay for a contender. The thing is I'd rather not have it inscribed to Jo or Kevin when his name is Jack so it's proving to be a hard task, and they're also selling for rather more than our allotted budget. A proof copy of his new book Nation is currently going for £2427 but you can have it signed to whoever you wish. Still too much money though. Shoot. Could it be back to the drawing board?
Then on a whim I Google Terry Pratchett himself and discover he's signing books this Saturday in Waterloo. Score!! A morning of queuing up in a sweaty queue equals one perfect present for Dad! Sweet.
Now I have a whole year to prepare for round two.
Zara Rabinowicz writes for Shiny Shiny,The Baglady and Kiss and Makeup and finds buying meaningful gifts for men simply impossible.