Zara Rabinowicz writes...
The other day I was bored and browsing through Facebook. Y'know how it is, you look at your mates, you see who has updated their status/pictures/life and you flick through their profile trying to see if can catch them in any unflattering/hilarious poses. And then it happens. You notice the link to their website, you click once and then you're in. This happened the other night, and it went from harmless browsing to all out stalking. I browsed through this person's intimate thoughts, looked at her wedding pictures and basically ransacked her innermost being with no compunction and no guilt without even buying her dinner or flowers.
This website is live and open for anyone to read and I'm not 'anyone' as I know how her, so why do I now feel like I've done something dirty?
The next day I admitted I'd been 'stalking' her, and she was fine about it, but it got me thinking- when we post on the web do we want people we know to read it? How do you get away from the guilty feelings of personal space invasion? Am I just being overly sensitive and this is a non issue?
Talking to friends about this, one of them admitted that my feelings weren't uncommon. She revealed that she'd randomly Googled a friend's name and been shocked to find out they had a whole other life separate to what she knew. This person belonged in a band, had medical health issues and family problems, and none of this had she discovered by talking to them. Yet all of a sudden she was possessed with this insider knowledge, and what should she do? Tell them and have them think she's crazy stalker lady? Or continue as she is, bottling up her new-found knowledge?
But why is there a problem here? Surely when people post online they hope/expect their stuff to be read in the vast world of cyberspace, so why should it be weird when you do? Perhaps it's cos when they write their personal thoughts down for approval/criticism they expect people they DON'T KNOW to view it, rather than their friends.
It reminds me of the time one friend was flooded with 'are you OK?' messages when her status turned into 'not in a relationship' on Facebook. She'd simply removed the option from her profile, but we all thought she'd split up with the man in question. Last week my boss revealed that when I'd applied for my job she'd checked me out on MySpace, and seen my awful angsty student photos and terribly moronic personal blog (probably why I got the job on my 2nd application). The profile is now firmly set to private, but it left me with a weirdly icky feeling. It seems so normal to read strangers' sites, so why is it trickier when you know them?
Personal blogs differ from mainstream blogs in that they address personal issues, from love and sex to parental strife, and are a way of vocalizing inner thoughts in diary form. Yes, they're read by many people, but so are Dear Deirdre letters. Should the option be then to privatize your site, making it impossible to tell who the author is? That would somehow detract from the cutesy photos of pets/husbands/drunk shenanigans.
I guess there is no real solution, and if you ever read someone's blog and start thinking, 'Woah! Better stop, this is getting to personal', that's your call, but I'm betting every-time you get that 'Woah!' feeling it will just make you more curious. So, live with the guilt or own up to it? Hey, you haven't done anything wrong! That'll teach people to reveal their private life on the web ;.)
Zara Rabinowicz writes for Shiny Shiny,The Baglady and Kiss and Makeup and is Googling you now. She doesn't know if she should feel guilty or not.
