Motherhood: is there such a thing as a work-life balance?

Natalie Lue writes...

Sometimes I feel like I’m going demented as I try to be a juggler in my crazy circus that I call life. It’s fair to say that I’m dropping a few proverbial balls. As I try to balance freelancing with being a mum, one of the recurring thoughts is: How the hell do other mothers do it? Where is this famous work-life balance?

I’ve wanted to work for myself for the past few years and now here I am with the opportunity and much as I’m loving it, the work never frigging stops! You see, when men go to work or even work for themselves, their work is their ‘work’. They get the shagging train, spend a day at the office or wherever, and come home and essentially their work is done. For women, when we return to work, even if it’s a well paid job, it can often feel like you’re a poor woman working two jobs to make ends meet, because you clock out from one shift and start on the next, or if you’re anything like me, you may even be trying to do your two ‘jobs’ at the same time.

Last night I was folding and putting away laundry till 11.57pm. Before that I did a massive tidy up and even got the washing ready for the next day. I, Natalie Lue, am a freelancing mother, who also seems to be running an accidental launderette, and a cleaning-on-demand service. As I folded away and thought of the overflowing laundry basket, all I could think was “Where the eff do all of these clothes come from?” At one point, I felt like dropping it all at the local charity shop just so that I could reduce the washing (yeah, yeah, dramatic I know) but I quickly scuppered those thoughts because my Marc Jacob’s top was in the pile and no doubt the mushroom cloud of laundry will get bigger, regardless.

Sometimes it feels like I’m Always Doing Something. There was a time when I could lie on the couch watching a sneaky bit of chav TV but if I attempt to do that these days, my mind is whirring with Things I Should Be Doing. Eventually I do relax but I pay for it at some point by having to race around doing stuff like a demented housewife robot on crack.

The bambino has started going to the childminder twice a week which is a massive help in Getting Sh*t Done but the to-do list never really seems to shrink and now that I’m working for myself, there are always umpteen things tugging at my memory or cluttering my lists. On top of that, there is the curse of Unexpected Visitors who just don’t seem to grasp that you have work to do, and even worse there are People Who Love to Waffle the Ears Off You by burning up the phoneline. There are words that keep popping up in my mind on an extremely frequent basis: Time Management, See It, Do It, Think It, Do It, Prioritise, and Discipline. OK, and the eff word….

What I love is the various suggestions I get from people about maintaining a work-life balance. It’s a bit like when you’ve just had a baby and people say “You must sleep when they sleep”. Who does that? When would a mum eat, clean, cook, or do the billion and one things that seem to suck up our weeks? Yes there are times that you’re so exhausted, you think “Screw it” and have a sleep but generally, you’re too wide eyed and on auto-pilot to be having a sleep in the middle of the day because unless you have someone to do all of the grunt work around the house for you, it’ll all still be there when you wake up, except now you have to cope with it and a squawking baby…

The fact of the matter is that for many mothers, not working isn’t an option, even if they can afford to. I’m always baffled when Other Mothers say that they’re staying at home because they can afford to – what and every other mother works because they’re broke? Or maybe it’s because even if they work for one day a week, they want to. It is a shame that whatever a mother’s choice is that it has to be justified. Just say that you’re staying home and spare us the financial assessment!

What I’m learning is that it is a balancing act. Sometimes you’ll be spot on, other times work will pull your pants down, and other times home life and parenting will dominate . Admittedly each week that goes by, it is getting a bit better and one day I’ll wake up and think “Hmmm, I’m doing alright at this…” and then suddenly remember a forgotten list…

Whatever we do, it’s not easy and if you’re not feeling guilty about working too much, you’re feeling guilty about wanting to work, and then feeling guilty about the stuff you should have done but you put it off to keep your work-life balance. It’s no wonder that as mothers we end up feeling conflicted but in the end, we just do it.

Natalie Lue is a 30 year old new mum to a 9 month old whirlwind of diva destruction...

Comments