Having An Affair? is perfect for women who have no sense of personal responsibility

www.randomhouse.com.gif This morning I read the article in Grazia about Sarah J. Symonds (aka The Mistress) who after sleeping with a bunch of married men and becoming incredibly upset when she was dumb enough to move across the world for a married man, decided to write a book to help out other home-wreckers. Now, before I go any further, let me make something perfectly clear. I know sometimes you meet someone who happens to be going through a divorce. I know sometimes women meet a guy who's married or in a relationship but REALLY IS leaving his partner. I know sometimes the timing is off, or for whatever reason, the circumstances in which you've met someone are less than perfect.

HOWEVER. Cheating is bad. Sleeping with someone who originally lied and said he was single and then continuing to sleep with him when you've found out he really has a wife and two kids is not okay. And ya wanna know something else? Blaming the man for all of your mistress woes is not okay either. Ever heard of personal responsibility? Ever heard of taking control of your own life?

Symonds' book Having an Affair? A handbook for the other woman was written so that "all the other women knew they weren't alone - and as an eye-opener to wives". Symonds also explains that all of the other mistresses she's talked to all get told the same lies and lines from their married men, like "My wife doesn't understand me" or "I'll tell her next week". Oh, the poor dears. How ever did those mean men manage to pull the extramarital wool over their adulterous eyes?

What cracks me up the most is that Symonds is seen as some sort of hero amongst other "other women", as in addition to her book, she also has her own weekly radio show where mistresses call in to get advice from The Mistress. Looking through the Amazon customer reviews of this book, I was astounded by the disillusioned women who said things like,

"Mistresses are not sluts or monsters that have stolen another woman's husband. We are loving, sincere, caring women who have been taken advantage of by the most self-centered married men. Men who feel that they deserve to have it all...no matter who gets hurt. They will lead a completely double-life...lying to everyone they say that they love. In the end, you may find yourself as much of a liar as they are."

Um....okay. 'Cause it's all just the man's fault. Not your fault. Nope. You just fell in love. You're not selfish at all. Look, married cheating men are jerks. Idiots. But the women who sleep with them are just as bad. Take some responsibility for your actions, for your heart, and for your sex life. That way, maybe, just maybe, you'll never get stuck reading a self help book for mistresses.

Cate Sevilla is the Editor of Dollymix. She thinks cheating is bad.

Ellee

Hi, I think you will find this Comment article fascinating from Microwave Man, describing how the self-centered man feels in these circumstances - it's fascinating, it's cruel, and it's probably all true:

I was going to post on this story myself too, which is how I found your link, along the lines of their lonely Christmas, maybe later.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/article789090.ece

Natalie

I'm not remotely surprised at those womens responses about feeling taken advantage of. I wrote a couple of articles about being the other woman and what followed is over a thousand comments that nearly crashed the blog, plus they all write on the forum, and email me also. I call these women gluttons for punishment who like the understudy role. There is a total absence of realising their contribution because they lay it all at his door so that they don't have to evaluate who they are and what they're doing.

All married or attached men that not only cheat but persist in it are liars and confidence tricksters. They rationalise their behaviour but whether they live in a mud hut in Africa or in Central London, they all trot out the same crap and excuses. Women know this, they just choose to believe his rubbish because it suits them.

This Sarah J Symmonds is just fanning the flames of the already eroded self esteem of these women. It's just another way of validating the behaviour instead of finding a way to move on. The least she could do is keep it real but instead, it's all about the poor me thing. I will have to check out this book.