Natalie Lue writes...
I attended my first postnatal group at my surgery yesterday and I must admit to feeling a little trepidation. Before my NCT experience, I would have been excited at the prospect of meeting new people and sharing experiences, but instead I felt wary. If motherhood has taught me anything it’s that it’s not easy being mothers together.
I arrived almost ten minutes late because my daughter did a poo just before we walked out the door with her perfect timing… As I took my seat in the incredibly hot room, I felt everyone checking me out and inwardly groaned at the thought of at least eighteen more years of this.
Then I took off my daughters hat and snorted back a giggle as her wild afro popped out. The boyf and I had planned to wash and put it into little bunches the night before, but she threw an overtired hissy fit and had to go to bed early. By the time we rolled up to the class yesterday, she looked like she had a Macy Gray look going on. On top of that, I hadn’t been able to find her leather booties so she had on her pimptastic gold trainers looking like a mini Grandmaster Flash with her multicoloured tights, skirt, and hoodie.
As I looked around the room and took in the fifteen or so mothers, I realised that I was the only black in the village again. I’d like to claim that this sort of thing doesn’t matter but after being subjected to a racist comment at a NCT gathering, I realise that with motherhood comes the opportunity for people to create class divides based on all sorts of things from the married’s, to the unmarrieds, to the single mothers, and even your skin colour.
Being a mum and attending these groups is like being a teenager all over again. Instead of who has the biggest boobs, nicest makeup, or has gone to third base…it’s whose child is sleeping through the night, rolling over, cutting their first tooth, dressed the best, and weighs the most. On top of this, if you want to be liked, you almost need to pretend that your child is doing worse than they actually are so that others can feel good about themselves. It’s peer pressure all over again. Maybe I should stand in front of the mirror and say “Are you there God? It’s me Natalie. Any chance of that my boobs will return to their former glory after breastfeeding? Oh and can you make me a perfect mother whilst you’re at it?” Judy Bloom never saw that one coming…
As we all chatted away, I realised that the room seemed to be divided into the ‘Sleep Deprived and Pissed Off Group’ and the ‘Chilled Out and Fly By The Seat of Your Pants Group’. Everyone sat there and said that they didn’t want to compare or compete, but it wasn’t long before some people started putting in barbed comments.
“People say give her a bottle of formula and I say ‘NO! I’m not giving her any of THAT!’ one of the women in the sleep deprived gang spat. I cringed for any woman sitting there who had already been through the guilt complex of what to feed her child. As the discussion progressed and we went from talking about feeding to sleeping, the room became divided into the “I am a GREAT mother damnit!” group and the “When can we get out of here!” group. You can guess which group I was in…
I can’t say I didn’t enjoy the opportunity to listen to other people’s experiences of being new mothers but I’m under no illusions that some of the mums in there will have gone home yesterday and had a bitch and may even be sticking pins in a doll as I type this! No matter how often we tell ourselves not to succumb to the pressure, it is easier said than done and I suspect that these gatherings do make some people feel worse. Now that I have my own hide of a rhino, I don’t give a monkey’s whether anyone likes me or not, and I don’t take the analysis and armchair psychology personally.
The bambino had clearly had enough because after booting the child beside her in the arse, she let out a few Mariah Carey-esque piercing squeals, and then got ready for hissy fit mode because she wanted her nap. I picked her up and she snatched at my boob. “Stop making a show of me!” I whispered to her. Ignoring me, she latched herself on, cocked her bum to the side and let out a ripper of a fart. Everybody giggled and some of the guarded tension left the room as her fart filled it….
Natalie Lue is currently on maternity leave and enjoying quality time with Grandmaster Mariah Flash...
