Men's Health's "50 things men wish you knew" list explains "unversal guy truths"
Mens Health magazine has an article online called "50 Things Men Wish You Knew", and it's most likely the most laughable list I've ever read. It was all I could do to not copy and past the entire freakin' thing in this article and rip it apart, item by item. However, I won't do that to you. (Mostly only because I don't really have the time.) Therefore I shall share with you only the best 10 "universal guy truths" that "all women should understand".
8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I'm inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter.Right. Never talk to a man when he's in the toilet. It's his quiet time and he needs to be alone. In silence...or else he'll get so annoyed he'll love me less. Got it.
11. Don't be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier.Okay. I'll just stop wearing makeup. Because clearly, men hate women with makeup on.
12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain't pretty.Wow. No makeup, and no plucking? So you don't mind spots or unibrows?! You're so wonderful! If you like things so natural, do you mind if I stop shaving my bikini line?
14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you're nice about it. Bark, and we shut down.Right. No talking when you're in the toilet, and we have to ask nicely for you talk to us when you're watching sports. Is there a magic word I need to softly whisper at you during the commercials? Or maybe if I just stood in the room naked would that be "nice" enough for you?
16. Masturbation is merely practice for the big game. Encourage it.That's cool. As long as your okay knowing that my vibrator and fantasies of Johnny Depp are so much better than actually having sex with you.
22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence.And when you get all pissed off and cry after your team loses, I question your intelligence.
30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn't need to be a mini-skirt; it's been a long winter.I'll be sure to wear my skirts for you in spring. I'm so sorry you've had to look at me in jeans for the past three months. I probably should have just sucked it up and wore a skirt during that blizzard.
31. Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game.But how am I supposed to watch the game and enjoy my beer if I'm busy getting you a beer?
34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience.So have enthusiasm ("OhMiGod! I can't WAIT to have sex with you!!!"), have a sense of humor, ("OhMiGod! Wasn't it soooo funny when you couldn't find my clitoris?!"), and have patience. (aka Don't put too much pressure on him if he can't make you come. Just wait it out.)
39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman's problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection.What more motivation do I need to solve my own problems than knowing it gets you hot?! Perfect!
[via Jezebel]
Right. Never talk to a man when he's in the toilet. It's his quiet time and he needs to be alone. In silence...or else he'll get so annoyed he'll love me less. Got it
In what way does this only apply to men? I can totally relate. I mean, boundaries!
Sorry, but to me this just adds to everything else I read implying that women are so desperately clingy and obsessed with closeness that they need no personal space whatsoever. It leads to some pretty dodgy expectations, IMO.
Posted by: Abi | October 4, 2007 12:52 PM