Gemma Cartwright writes...
A few years ago some good friends of mine told me that the possible reason I wasn't having much luck meeting people was because I was such an ice queen. I think they were a bit more subtle than that, but I knew what they were getting at. What I thought of as good old British reserve and shyness was coming across as arrogance and self importance. From that moment I made more of an effort to be a bit more open and friendly. Now I talk to people who I find interesting instead of shying away from new faces.
Apparently, this is called 'flirting'. I thought it was just being nice, but I was sorely mistaken. Now I'm worse than the ice queen. I'm the desperate girl who talks to your husband and chats to your brother. Obviously I'm trying to steal them from you...
I don't know when things changes so that chatting to a man is instantly construed as fancying them, but that's definitely how it feels at the moment for me. I remember reading a book - it was probably chick lit - that touched on this idea that a confident single woman is a constant threat to anyone in a couple. An episode of - dare I say it - Sex & The City also addressed the issue. A single woman is obviously in need of a man, and if she starts talking to yours, she's out to get him.
To be honest, I laughed when I first read this, but the more I thought about it, the more I remember times when I've been introduced to couples only to find the girl completely blanking me if I utter more than two words to her boyfriend. To be fair, I know when I'm dating someone I feel a twinge of jealousy if he mentions single female friends. Awful, isn't it? No matter how much we like to think that platonic relationships do exist, there's a part of us that's always going to wonder if they like each other. So it does make it difficult to make opposite sex friendships work.
But there is a big difference between having a close friend and just chatting to someone interesting at a party or in a pub. I've been treated to the evils from women on many occasions and I don't even look like I'd be a threat. I'd understand if I had big hair, big boobs and a tiny skirt, but considering I dress most days like a little girl raiding her mom's wardrobe it's hard to believe any girl would think I was putting the moves on her bloke just because I start discussing The League of Gentleman with him.
I know I'm preaching to the choir here. Readers of Dollymix I'm sure have far too much self respect to judge fellow women and think every single girl is out to nick their man. But if you have any silly friends who think that it's ok to sideline any girl who doesn't have a boyfriend 'just in case' something goes horribly wrong...give her a swift elbow in the ribs from me! I quite like meeting new people. Even if I don't want to shag any of them.
Gemma Cartwright doesn't want your boyfriend / husband / brother. Honest.