Gray matters: feminist bloggers battle over the "gray rape" debate

The (unfortunate) hot topic amongst feminist bloggers this week has been "gray rape". Cosmopolitan fueled this debate by asking their readers to write in and share their stories of "gray rape", which they define as being, "a situation in which they never intended to have sex, but wound up forced into it because until that point, they'd been a willing participant". Yeah, so in other words, RAPE. Jezebel wrote piece about their own experience with "gray rape", in which the author of the post was drunk, and "woke up to find him sticking it in. I'd said 'no' a bunch of times and when I came to I just froze, stopped, turned over and slept." She said later that the word "rape" doesn't feel like the right way to describe the situation, " It's something, "date rape" I guess, but it's not rape unless I say it was, right?"

The lovely Ann over at Feministing ripped into her (repeatedly) and said, "The definition of rape does not change depending on its empowering/disempowering effect on the people involved, or whether they choose to use the word "rape." Ann points out that a Jezebel commenter said that, "Just like we have manslaughter, vs. 2nd or 1st degree murder, there are many different forms and levels of sexual assault." While I do whole heartedly agree that there is as difference between what Moe at Jezebel experienced and a woman getting violently attacked - it still doesn't change the fact that it is RAPE.

Feministing also brought to my attention the term "enthusiastic consent", which is explained as " “The opposite of rape is not consent. The opposite of rape is enthusiasm”. Hugo Schwyzer writes that, "I always argue that anything short of an authentic, honest, uncoerced, aroused and sober “Hell, yes!” is, in the end, just a “no” in another form." Interesting, no?

The bottom line is that women seem to be uncomfortable with many words. Rape. Feminism. (Even "vagina".) Yes, rape is a horrible thing - but adding a less threatening color in front of the word "rape" isn't doing us any favors. Rape is rape. There are different degrees of rape, but at the bottom line, you were forced to have sex against your will.

You can join the letter writing petition against Cosmo's "gray rape" stories at "The NYC Media Response Project Letter Writing Campaign, 'No Such Thing as Gray Rape.'"

Walt

I agree that sex with a drunk is risky, even when you "care about them". But if both are drunk, then who raped whom?

I agree that "no shades of grey" is not realistic.

I saw the word "grey rape" and a search for definition brought me here.

I am the dad of a 17.8 year old son and a 13.9 year old daughter. I don't want my son charged with rape at the whim of a girl who has "buyers remorse" and I don't want my daughter raped or exploited period.

The issue somehow has gotten "grey". What if a guy "steals a kiss", is that sexual assault or permission? What if a guy "cops a feel" is that sexual assault or permission? What if a girl grabs a guy's privates, is that sexual assault or permission?

Remember the old movies where the guy would "steal a kiss" and the girl would slap him? Who assaulted whom?

Yikes, the law is being assaulted.

Falsely

[b]

With juries across America pretty much rejecting the idea of "drunken consent" prosecutions in rape cases, prosecutors are beginning to "just say no" to women who want to punish men for women's "regrettable" sexual encounters. Rape cops are beginning to abandon their "politically correct" instruction manuals, and actually telling some of these "victims" to not bother filing a complaint. Increasingly, (and, as I predicted long ago)rape cases are falling into what is being called a "Grey Area" of the law.

"GREY RAPE", as it is now being called, even by the likes of COSMO magazine, is a natural backlash to the feminazi-promoted idea that any woman should be able to have any man arrested at any time for any reason. Women, it seems, could not be trusted with such power. With False Rape Accusations (FRA's, a term coined by Yours Truly) clogging up court dockets for reasons as mundane as "the bastid told me these jeans make me look fat, so of course I wanted to send him to prison!", the pendulum was bound to swing back.

Like it or not, the new rule is going to be:

If you consent to being alone with a guy, then your consent to have sex with him is implied.

If he doesn't use a weapon, and you don't have sufficient bruising to go alone with your claim that you said "NO", and there isn't a witness or a recording of the event, then the definition of "GREY RAPE" will soon be expanded to include your case, right alongside the case of the woman who was too drunk to remember giving consent.

Even cases where the rapist slips "date-rape drugs" into a woman's drink are falling more and more into this unprosecutable Grey area. Now that rapists can easily learn about proper dosages right here on the Internet, all traces of the drug are always gone before the woman is aware enough to complain. And if not, well, maybe she took it herself--after all, it's also a "party" drug.

Finally, rapists, if they have an I.Q. high enough to be prosecuted in the first place, ALL know that DNA stands for "Do Not Attempt" to deny that you had sexual relations with that girl. Instead, far better that you "Do Not Acknowledge" that you heard her say "NO."

Karma's a bitch.

For years, women could send an innocent man to jail, just by playing the Rape Card.

They had that power. They abused it. Now it's gone.

NOW, men can feel free to rape any woman they are alone with, and NOT go to jail.

Think they'll abuse that power? Nawwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Actually, ladies, GREY RAPE is really a giant step forward in the civility of the rape racket.

Rape victims will no longer be murdered "just to shut them up". And rapists will, out of nescessity, become GENTLEmen, lest they endow their prey with bruises and ligature marks, and lend them credibility.

(I've predicted all of this in previous posts...but it's good to get recognition from a national publication like Cosmo.)

--F[/b]

Annette

I was also reading the comments on Feministing, and another one I found particularly perceptive was one remarking on the idea that date rape is somehow perceived as a lesser form of rape in the minds of some people. This particular commentator (can't remember his or her name unfortunately!) asked why it should be seen as "not as bad" to be raped by someone you have always trusted previously.