Keris Stainton continues our Women who blog series with the mommy blog to beat all mommy blogs...
I discovered Melinda Roberts when she sent me her book, Mommy Confidential, to review for Trashionista. 500 pages later, not only did I feel like Mindy was my new best friend (that's why I can call her Mindy, you see?), but I also thought she was one of the most amazing and inspirational women I (virtually) know. There are loads of mommy blogs, but if you only read one, it should be The Mommy Blog.
What was the first blog you ever read?
The first one was Chasing Daisy, followed closely by Amberbamberboo, chiefly because they were the very first to read and comment on my blog. Amber and I went on to be good friends, and I traveled to Brussels to stay with her family for a couple of weeks in 2004. I’m still waiting for an invitation to Wales from Daisy. : )
Would it be fair to say that blogging's changed your life?
Oh, yes, though I would not have thought that likely or possible. It's been therapeutic and an excellent way to chronicle my family's life (because I'm not so hot with the baby books and photo albums), but it has also revealed a side of me I had not recognized or developed. I can actually write, and people can actually relate. All in all, It's helpful for folks on both sides of the transaction to know that craziness is ubiquitous, acceptable, and sometimes only temporary.
How did you go from blog to book? And how have you enjoyed the experience?
I went to book because the blog went to book length! And then some, as you know. And there's a sequel coming!
I have really enjoyed the experience from a couple of different perspectives. One, as a mother, I have the kind of memoir for my children that I never had available to me. The best and deepest information I have on my family is in the family bible in the form of lineage, and even that is incomplete - they didn't record the women before the 1900's or so. But the men, the MEN they recorded way back to 1639.
Two, as a writer, I had no idea that I had any reason to call myself a writer until I saw that I had written a cartload of good, honest stories. That alone feels like an accomplishment, all the more so because others have read along with me and have enjoyed the stories as well.
Three, as a person living in these times, I have been astounded by the reach a single person can have and by the depth and variety of social networks available via the computer. I have no idea how the hell my site could have registered almost four million hits since 2002, and I hope fervently that no more than two thirds of them involve the generic search string, "mommy blog."
You confused me by changing your children's names between your blog and the book (I'm easily confused). Why d'ya do that then?
I think I did that as a compromise. There are no secrets about my identity; anyone with two adjacent brain cells and an internet connection could find me in a heartbeat. But I've tried to protect my family and friends by not using their names and by only blogging about them with permission. Everyone is on the "Do Not Blog" list until they ask to be taken off it. The funny thing is, some say they don't want to appear in my writing but are disappointed when they don't. Hee. Serves 'em right for depriving me of quality material.
Almost everyone I consulted thought it was a harmless if not prudent idea to change the names. However, I changed them to names that are meaningful to us so it's just enough to preserve a modicum of privacy. By the way, the kids just love signing books for people: "Mama, do we know this person? Can I sign my real name or should I sign my book name?" I did have the decision confirmed in a way, though - I used my brother's real name in an early draft, and he went through the roof. It was just his first name, but his reaction confirmed that changing names was the right thing to do.
You had a difficult few years there. Did blogging help?
As much as anything could have helped, yes, blogging helped. I could just as easily say that keeping a diary helped, though, as I wrote in solitude and any feedback usually came a day or two later, so it wasn't really blogging in the two-way conversation sense. I don't write expecting reaction or interaction, though it's loads of fun.
Is blogging addictive (and, if so, should it come with a health warning)?
Heh. Guess I gave myself away with that last answer. It's addictive in the same way my meds are, or exercise can be: if it's something you do regularly and something that contributes to your well being, then of course you miss it if you take a break. I think that a balance between family acceptance and the one's self-discipline is critical. There is nothing worse than a blogger who feels restricted or a family that feels neglected. Just as with work and heavy drinking, one has to draw lines. : )
Do you regret anything you've written on your blog?
Not really. I have unpublished several entries, though, to avoid controversy within my household or to keep from getting fired. Venting is one thing, but if you vent publicly, you'd better be prepared for others to read it. And you can be sure that they will read it over and over, and then repeat it to others, and it will keep growing in scope and scandal until you want to crawl under a rock. So, no, I don't regret anything I've left published. Technically.
Have you made or lost any friends through your blog?
Made dozens, only lost one or two. Interesting, that. The ones I've lost were unusual relationships to begin with - getting to know someone through his or her writing is uniquely intimate, and the sudden closeness can lead to uncomfortable dynamics, or expectations and desires based on something quite other than real-world experience that naturally tempers our social interactions. I haven't lost a single real-life friend, unless you count my ex-husband, but that was a symptom of a much larger ailment.
What's your blogging code of conduct (and do you think there should be an official code)?
I write and publish as if my friends, family and co-workers were standing over my shoulder. I want to be able to stand by my words while preserving my personal integrity and whatever trust others have placed in me. I don't advocate anonymous blogging at all; people WILL find you, and I've seen family and friends burn themselves rather badly behind the false security of a pseudonym. They forget that others leave comments with their real names, and sometimes use the author's. No one is bulletproof.
Who are your blogging heroines?
This space cannot possibly contain them! I'd definitely list all of the MommyBloggers (Jenn Satterwhite of Mommy Needs Coffee, Jennifer Lauk of Three Kid Circus, and Meghan of I'm Ablogging). Then of course there are all the writers at DotMoms, especially Julie Moos, who gave me the confidence to really plunge into serious writing. And I can't forget Lisa Stone, Elisa Camahort, and Jory DesJardins of BlogHer, or Grace Davis, Yvonne Marie of Joy Unexpected, Heather of Dooce, and, and... oh boy you're just have to visit everyone on that list and then visit everyone on THEIR lists. It just goes on and on.
Keris co-edits Shiny Media’s fabulous women’s fiction blog, Trashionista and contributes to TV Scoop, The Bag Lady and Bridalwave. She's a confirmed blogaholic.
