Social networking isn't the most helpful thing to have in a relationship. It can cause paranoia, reopen old wounds, or just cause unnecessary bumps in the road. However, aside from all the obsessive, psycho relationship drama they can create, there's a whole other set of issues I've recently discovered while being on the same social networking site as my partner.
My husband and I signed up to Facebook this week, and we've spent the past few days foaming at the mouth and constantly checking The Book, to see if anyone "loves us" and wants to be our friend. I know a lot of his coworkers, and he knows a lot of mine, so we're all a bunch of nerdy folks, adding each other and writing all over each others walls. It's good times.
However...
This has lead me to discover the unwritten rules and politics of being a couple online. I've added everyone I know through The Husband that I've met, or regularly go drinking with. There are some people I've met, but know that it would be awkward if I added them. I just use my better judgment. A lot of my husband's coworkers are male, and if I know their partners, I add them as well. If I haven't met their partner and they're online, I don't see why I should add them, as that just come across as sort of weird and "Hi, I need as many friends as possible."
Therefore, I find it pretty rude when women I know, have met, and created hangovers with add my husband, and then don't add me. I'm right there! That's my linkable name under the "married to" category on his page! You know me! You have my number in your mobile phone! Did that drunken night mean nothing to you!!
I figure, if you clearly have engaged with someone in a friendly manner, or have been friendly with their partner, add them! Now, for some reason have a problem with a friends' wife because they're slightly prettier than you, or she just rubs you the wrong way, instead of shunning said Evil Wife, maybe you should think twice before adding their partner. It just seems like common knowledge that if you add one half of a couple, and purposely ignore the other, it could be taken as rude.
Sure, it's only online, but dammit, it's not very nice. Would you send an anniversary card to one half of the couple? In person would you only talk to one half of the couple, especially if the wife was standing right there? Nooooo. (Or if you're dead inside: yesssss.) But, it's much easier to feel brave and daring online, and to blatantly ignore someone via the internet that you're "fake nice" to in person.
Lesson of the day: if you've met someone's partner online, and are friendly with them in real life, it's rude if you only add their partner. Do not shun the wife!
And yeah, I could add them...but they were here first! They added him. Would it be mature of me to suck it up and just add them? Well, yes. But that makes for a far less interesting column...
Cate Sevilla is the Editor of Dollymix. She is unloved and shunned on The Book. Add her! Love her!
