Amber McNaught's weekly column on all the things that make her see red...
I am a reasonably petite woman. Unfortunately for me, this means that I have two basic choices when it comes to getting dressed in the morning:
1. Dress like an overgrown toddler
2. Go out naked.
Yesterday I went with the "naked" option. Oh, I didn't mean to. But as we sat in my mother-in-law's living room, enjoying a nice cup of tea and a scone, I looked down to see that my blue vest top had slipped halfway down my chest, revealing my lacy black bra in all its glory. Oops.
I mean, it could have been worse. I could have worn the "used to be white but is now a grubby, pale blue blue because I washed it with my jeans" bra. Or I could have not been wearing a bra at all: let's face it. when you're as, um, petite, as I am, you sometimes don't need one.
I think I managed to get away with the "flashing my underwear at my mother-in-law" thing. It's only a matter of time before I do it again, though, because almost all of my tops are like this: designed for people with much longer bodies than me. I'm at the point now where I've all but given up wearing any kind of neckline other than polos or crew-necks, because unless I wear something else under them (not really desirable in summer) I know I risk being arrested for indecent exposure every time I go out.
When, oh when will clothing manufacturers learn that women don't come in a "one size fits all" shape? When will they realise that short women need clothes too; and by "clothes" I mean real clothes - the kind that adults wear. Not the twee little things that normally make up the petite ranges, and which are often just scaled-up versions of what's in the children's department. Embroidered jeans? T-shirts featuring cartoon characters? Um, no, but thanks all the same...
Actually, I sometimes do shop in the children's department. It's an indignity no adult should have to endure - although, to be fair, it is much cheaper than shopping with the big girls. People look at you funny as you queue outside the children's department changing rooms, with no child to validate your appearance there, though. The clothes are cut for people with straight-up-and-down bodies and no boobs. Almost everything is pink.
Lately the media has been making a lot of noise about bigger women, and how there should be more choice for them in fashion. That's true - but it's also true of us little people, too. We didn't all get to be this size because we watched too much Fashion Week coverage and decided to starve ourselves down to size 0. No, some of us are like this just because we happen to be vertically challenged - and somehow a UK size 4 or 6 doesn't look nearly as small when the person wearing it is 5"2 or under.
So come on, fashion industry: you're making moves to recognise that larger women need clothes, too, but don't forget us small girls while you're at it. My mother-in-law really doesn't need to keep seeing my underwear...
Amber McNaught is a freelance writer and regular Shiny contributor. Her current favourite jacket is labelled age 10 - 11
