In her weekly column, Camilla Chafer asks are you a pushy mum if you just want what it best for your child?
We've probably all heard about the pushy parent phenomenon by now. They've been sent up in various novels like The Nanny Diaries and The Ivy Chronicles recently. The children in these books are signed up to every known class on offer from sports, to languages, to crafts and more, anything that will 'enrich' their personal development. Of course, it diesn't end there as the children are crafted in mini adults, ready to embark on their school careers with the money their parents can either afford to throw at them, or scrimp and save to provide them with the same prospects as their peers.
Are these parents pushy or do they merely want the best that they can provide?
It's sometimes hard to see a difference between over doing it and doing it right. Most parents want the best for the children and when money is constrained it can be awfully upsetting, for parents and children, to not be able to do the same things as their peers. And isn't it great that if you do have the money to be able to offer all the opportunities that you were perhaps denied as a child?
The phenonenon isn't restricted to Park Avenue types though, it's prevalent in schools everywhere. I know scores of children from my son's school who attend language classes at weekends, after school clubs from sports like football, ballet, yoga and horse riding to karate, music, crafts and baking, maths and English prep and so much more. Their social lives are far busier than mine. I daren't tot up how much that must cost the parents per child in terms of time or money.
I'm also not entirely convinced that the children wouldn't much rather be unleased in the park for a run about rather than be constrained constantly.
So why are the parents signing their kids up to all these activities? There are a number of reasons. The world is increasingly competitive and schools, universities and workplaces are all looking for some way to choose between well equipped candidiates. Well rounded children may get an advantage that helps them at a later stage. Or, schools may not be providing exactly what the parents' want, whether than is through poor management or burgeoning class sizes that make it impossible for a teacher to work thoroughly. Or, parents may be trying to make up for what they didn't have or just trying to find something to occupy and entertain their child that is more proactive than a stack of DVDs or a playstation.
The key to knowing whether you are doing it right is examining your own resources and your child's happiness. If you are overstretched financially, or time-wise, through meeting these commitments and your child isn't enjoying themselves, you're probably doing too much and it's time to cut back. The biggest cue should be taken from the children themselves, sometimes they just want to be kids, filthy and up a tree with a tear in their knee and twigs in their hair.
Camilla Chafer is a freelance journalist and long standing Shiny contributor. She edits Bridalwave and contributes to Hippyshopper. She encourages her kids to have a go at anything within reason. She'll probably even have a go too.
