Keris Stainton continues her self-help quest...
Hmmm. I didn't realise I was quite so neurotic until I realised just how much material I have for this column. One thing I haven't covered (probably the biggest thing in my life) is parenting. And the thing about parenting is, whatever you're doing, you're doing it wrong.
During pregnancy I read every parenting book I could get my hands on: manuals like The Rough Guide to Pregnancy & Birth, Have the Birth You Want, Sheila Kitzinger's Homebirth (which features a terrifying suggestion that includes the words "insert one clean finger..."), but it was personal experience books like Anne Lamott's Operating Insturctions, Gas and Air, and Madeleine's World by Brian Hall that helped me to understand that it's different for everyone, you just have to do what you feel is right and hope for the best.
Having said that, two books I read have been (and continue to be) particularly helpful: Roni Jay's Babies for Beginners and Playful Parenting by Larry Cohen.
The Roni Jay book allowed me to pause in my frenzied panic and preparation by pointing out that babies don't actually need all the crap we're told they need. A baby can sleep in a drawer (make sure you've actually taken it out of the chest and put it on the floor!). Out somewhere and forgotten nappies? Wrap it's lower portions in a t-shirt. No, it's not ideal, but it will do to be going on with. In the early days when I practically needed a Sherpa for all the "emergency" stuff I was afraid to leave home without, Babies for Beginners was reassuring.
Playful Parenting though is a revelation. Friends, relatives, strangers are always happy to tell you what you're doing wrong with your child. You're too strict. Not strict enough. You're spoiling him. You're giving him too much control. He needs boundaries, time-outs, the naughty step. I was never comfortable with any of it. When my son's upset I comfort him, I don't punish him. When he's playing up because he needs attention, my feeling is that he should get attention. A lot of people don't agree with me (they've told me so), but Larry Cohen does and, as a parent and as a person, I crave that reassurance.
Playful Parenting is the kindest, most practical and, I think, most important book parenting book you can read. With all the advice and stress and guilt and worry, we forget sometimes that parenting is fun. Larry Cohen will remind you.
My son is almost three and what I've learned since that horrendous day when a small human was dragged out of my privates, is that where parenting is concerned, your way is the best way.
For more parenting see Camilla Chafer's column, The Anti Yummy Mummy
Keris co-edits Shiny Media’s fabulous women’s fiction blog, Trashionista and contributes to TV Scoop and The Bag Lady. She hardly ever watches Pingu when her son's not around.