Grumpy Young Woman: Vanity, thy name is woman

Amber McNaught writes...

I had an interesting conversation with two acquaintances of mine this week. Both women are approaching their 30th birthdays, and both are feeling just a little bit apprehensive about hitting that milestone - and having it hit back, with the "grey hair and wrinkles" stick firmly clutched in its sweaty hands.

"Well, that's what makeup is for!" I quipped (hilariously, I'm sure you'll agree). "Where would we be without it, eh?" At this point there was a strained silence, and I realised with horror that I'd made a huge mistake. I'd mentioned something "girlie" to two of my most militantly "anti-makeup" friends. All hell was about to break loose.

We all know women like these ones. In fact, maybe you're one of them yourself. These are the women who have an all-consuming hatred (or perhaps it's a fear?) for anything they deem to be "too girlie". So makeup? Is out. High heels with pointy toes? Also out. Especially the ones with dinky little bows on the front. The colour pink? So out. A sense of humour? Yeah, that would be pretty much "out" too.

Of course, I'm joking about the sense of humour. The "no makeup please, we're women" brigade can be just as frivolous as those of us who won't leave the house without a face full of the stuff. They just hide it better - or they try to, at least. I should probably make it clear here that I'm not talking about women who just aren't interested in fashion and makeup, or those whose taste doesn't run to high heels and lipgloss. No, I'm talking about the type of women who like to sneer at those of who do like those things - and to look down on us as if our makeup must have corroded our brains. When I made my foolish comment about makeup to the two women mentioned above, for instance, they didn't just smile and say that wasn't for them - they reacted as if I'd suggested smearing a virgin's blood onto their skin to combat the ageing process.

"Oh no!" they said smugly, "I never wear makeup. I wouldn't dream of it. Buy stuff to make myself look a bit better? God, no!" There then began a short competition to see who was the most "natural", with theatrical shudders and rolling eyes a-plenty as they gleefully agreed that why, women who wear makeup are just vain and shallow! And those who don't? Are better people. Smug gits.

To be fair, most of the "I-don't-wear-makeup-so-I'm-a-better-person-than-you" was hinted at rather than spoken. It normally is. But there's something about that self-righteous, "Gosh! I don't know how you find the time to paint your face every morning, I just have so many other [read: "better"] things to do with my time!" speech that gets my back up. There's a certain type of woman who seems to regard the traditional trappings of "femininity" as a sign of weakness, and to view any woman who takes pleasure in fashion and beauty as somehow letting the side down. It's those women who get on my last nerve.

It is possible to be a serious, intelligent woman and to enjoy getting dressed up and wearing high heels from time to time. Or even all the time, come to think of it. And you don't have to turn into a a pink-clad, mascara-wielding simpleton when you find yourself facing your 30th birthday. But it certainly helps.

Amber McNaught is a freelance writer and regular Shiny contributor. She has never been seen without her makeup, and is wearing most of the contents of the Benefit counter as she writes this.

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