Amber McNaught's weekly column on all the things that make her see red. Or, in this case, makes her want to move to another planet in despair.
In December 2005, my husband Terry had a kidney transplant after spending two years on dialysis. The kidney was donated by his brother, John, and, as you can probably imagine, as far as "fun times" go, well, this wasn't really one of them. It was emotional, sure. It was scary. It was even heart-warming in parts. In fact, it had all of the elements of a good old made-for-TV drama, including a cliff-hanger of an ending as we all waited in the hospital reception, wondering whether Terry and John would, you know, survive . (They did, by the way.)
Despite all of this, though, Terry's kidney transplant somehow failed to be even remotely entertaining for anyone involved. I know! I mean, who knew life-saving surgery could be anything other than a laugh a minute? Why did we forget to pack the popcorn when we travelled to the hospital on that cold winter morning, I wonder? Because, the thing is, kidney transplants are fun, people. So much fun, in fact, that Endemol, the production company behind Big Brother, ismaking a reality TV show about them in The Netherlands.
In The Big Donor Show, a terminally ill cancer patient (Do you see what they did there? They took one life-threatening illness and then added another one, in order to provide a double whammy of emotional manipulation. Gotta keep those viewing figures high, folks...) will choose which of three "lucky" kidney patients gets to receive one of her kidneys when she dies. This is what's passing for "entertainment" over in The Netherlands these days, apparently. And I thought Celebrity Big Brother was bad...
Just in case you were worried that this whole scenario would essential turn the very serious matter of organ donation into a popularity contest, with a totally unqualified person (the donor) getting to choose who she likes best out of the possible recipients, worry not. The donor doesn't get to decide all by herself - no, in the tradition of all the best game shows (well, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, anyway), she'll be allowed to ask the audience - in this case the general public, who will be allowed to have their say on the decision at hand by text message. Because that's not tasteless at all, is it?
To summarise: a woman who is dying will decide which of three people who are also dying is the nicest/most deserving of help. That person will be saved. The other two? Ah, who cares about them? It's only a game show, after all...
Yes, the organ donor will be given access to case histories, medical notes, etc, pertaining to the three "contestants", but she is not, as far as I know, a kidney specialist. Neither are the members of the general public who will make the final decision on who gets the kidney. ("Who goes to the operating theatre? You decide!") So, essentially, it's a popularity contest: it's just one which contains one hell of a twist.
So, why does Lisa, the kidney donor in this contest, want to go through with this? Well, her reasons are actually understandable: she wants "to establish a connection to a deserving person with kidney disease". Fair enough. But why do it on TV? Why turn serious illness into just another slice of reality TV? After all, Lisa could have chosen to meet the three possible recipients privately. She could have made up her mind with the help of her friends, family and - most importantly - the medical profession. Instead, she's decided that if she's going to do it, well, she may as well do it on live TV. Is this what we've come to? Is this where Big Brother, I'm a Celebrity, Survivor et al leads us? To a point where absolutely nothing is sacred, and even the very worst parts of human experience can be reduced to a one-hour slot on prime time TV? Apparently so. If you need convincing, witness the recent Madeleine McCann case, in which a young child's abduction and possible death has been turned into a three-ring media circus, complete with theme tune, logo and cameo appearances from Gordon Brown and The Pope.
What can we learn from this? That there are no depths TV makers will not plumb in the name of "entertainment". And that now could be a good time to look into moving to an alien planet...
Amber McNaught is a freelance writer and regular Shiny contributor. She runs a Big Brother blog, but probably won't be tuning in to The Big Donor Show...