Can you build a flat pack? Then you're a better woman than Charlotte Howells...
The problem with this column is that I'm fast proving that I am a stereotypical women, and a rather pathetic one at that. I can't forage in my pants in public (which is probably a good thing), or fix my car, I can eat - but then the world seems to be fast dividing into camps of eaters and non-eaters anyhow, and I sure as hell can't do DIY. Give me a wall to paint, or a living room to accessorize, and I'll get on just fine, but the actual furniture? A different story altogether...
So, I have one flat pack wardrobe from Ikea - not even a large one. All the tools the instructions say I need (a hammer and a screwdriver), and a whole afternoon, and evening should I need it, at my disposal. All I need to do is follow the instructions and a new wardrobe shall be mine.
Arrggggghhh!
I have to admit I cheated. Or tried to. After several hours of hammering, banging and generally misplacing pieces of wood together, there was a tearful phone call. How far had I got? Well the general consensus over the phone was that I hadn't really got anywhere. And to take apart what I had done and start again. After a fresh round of sobs, I regathered my tools and began a long period of staring at the Ikea manual.
Cue several more hours of arrggggghhh!
To cut a long story short, I did manage to finish it, and by approximately 9 at night (I started at lunch time) I had my very own, slightly wonky wardrobe. It looked a little wrong, but it was wardrobe shape, and that's all that matters - eight hours of building and I had done it with only a few crying breaks along the way.
A week later my boyfriend came round, he declared I'd put it together backwards (which explained why the door didn't really work), took it apart, and built it again, the right way round this time. It took him 30 minutes.
To which I can conclude, I'm really no good at DIY. But if I asked those hotshots who can build flat packs in less than an hour to do something I'm good at, that might take them eight hours too. (I couldn't think of an example - but I'm sure there is one). Perhaps that they would think that embroidered brown satin bed spreads or stackable plastic boxes were a nice decorating touch (which they most certainly are not). So I'm not going to beat myself up about how bad I am at it, instead, I'll just remember that next time I need a new set of shelves or something comes unassembled, someone else can build the furniture, and I'll focus on the things I can do.
Charlotte Howells can also be found at Nollie and Kiss and Makeup and is really not a stereotypical female at all - she can't cook to save her life and hates tidying.
