In her weekly column, Camilla Chafer asks does everyone else feel they should interfere with your parenting?
I can honestly say that I can't think of a single person whose parenting skills are so amazing, so utterly perfect, that I would wish to emulate them. No celebrities, no 'ordinary woman on the street' or friends, not a single one. Of course, there are plenty of things that I don't like about the way other people parent, but unless it's dangerous, I'll keep my opinions to myself as a general rule. The problem is, why can't everyone else do that?
Outside interference into your parenting occurs almost from the exact moment that you announce your pregnancy and if you're a first timer, boy, are you in for a minefield of conflicting information from everyone, all of whom believe they are absolutely and utterly right. The first time you'll get it is when everyone compete about how bad their childrens' births were and everyone has to go that little bit grosser, little bit more agonising than their predecessor and then tell you exactly how you should cope during your labour. Once you've got over that, then the real trouble begins.
Most of it is naturally well meaning from 'been there, done that' parents who just want to share their wisdom. Unfortunately what you and they consider 'wisdom' is generally two entirely different things. You will probably be able to stomach your parents' advice, after all you turned out ok, didn't you? But what will irk is everyone else trying to get a piece of the baby action.
Your in-laws are probably one of the biggest hurdles. They feel a kinship to your baby by being related, and thus an utter right to butt in, but their helpful hints will no doubt grate. They think they are your parents, but they are aren't. Their parenting experience is probably around 30 years old but to them it is perfect and you are an ungrateful little moo not to do exactly what they say. Even if what they actually do is teach your child to drop litter on the floor and tell your youngster that they are disgusting to fill their nappy and thus put them off potty training completely. And when you roll your eyes and ask them again to stop doing these things, they'll think you are mad.
You see, you are inexperienced, in everyone else's eyes, no matter how many children you have, how long you've been parenting and for goodness sake, what do you mean this is the modern day and you don't want to follow guidelines from the seventies?
As for your friends, they are well meaning too. They just don't want you to go through the same things that wore them out whether it was sleepless nights or breastfeeding battles. That they are slightly competitive is another topic altogether Pandora could speak at six months you know! is really translated as 'my kid is better than your kid, so ner!' Get used to it - everyone will boast about their perfect little darling. I've never bothered to compete. Why? Because my kids are better than theirs. Hah!
What is forgotten is that every single parent and child is different and even if you did exactly the same things, the results would be entirely different. You can read all the books, take all the advice from friends and family, nod enthusiastically then quietly ignore it and work out what is right for you and your child. Chances are you may get it wrong the first time, and you'll get those 'I told you so' looks for it, regardless of the issue, but soon you'll work out what does and doesn't work for thee two of you and what creates a harmonious life.
Then you can annoy someone else with your perfection or firmly decide to only give advice when actually asked for it.
Camilla Chafer is a freelance journalist and long standing Shiny contributor. She edits Bridalwave and contributes to both Shiny Shiny and Hippyshopper. Her best advice is take no advice.
