Alex Roumbas explains her reasons for removing "feminine" from the dictionary...
I was reading a range of articles, skimming for news and ideas; many of them mentioned some "feminine" ideal or other. Looking at the dictionary definition of the word, it tells a simple story: something that is feminine pertains to being female, or is a characteristic of women. Yet that wasn't exactly what those articles, largely referring to looks or men, implied.
I asked a mixed group what the first thing that came to mind was. "A demure girl in a green dress," came one (man's) answer. "Flowing, curvy, probably pink," added a girl, at which another woman chimed in with "oh, romantic languages, flowers... long hair". I'd be lying if I said I couldn't see tafetta and sunlit meadows (like the M&S Mylene's Pants ad no less) in my own mind's eye.
Now, it's perfectly plain that there are plenty of women to whom few, only some or indeed none of these qualities apply. Does that make them less feminine, and if so do they relinquish their womanhood? Or is "feminine" now so flexible a word that it means whatever we want it to... in which case it might just mean nothing at all?
Everyone I asked (and many of those I read) equated femininity with a floaty, ethereal quality. I'm neither floaty nor ethereal, so apparently I'm not feminine either. And yet, I would deny that to my last breath. I'm certainly not gender neutral, and I think - deep voice, scuffed trainers, extra couple of stone an' all - I'm not a candidate for masculinity.
Maybe that's why I've lost faith in the word "feminine". The days when I ventured forth onto the dating scene are thankfully at rest, at least for the foreseeable, but instinctively I avoided like the plague any man who said he liked "feminine" woman (as if, by definition, a woman could be anything but).
Do we reclaim the word? Do we start applying it to women like Beth Ditto? She's certainly into clothes, and pink and many of the other things that came up in the list but a floaty, long-haired waif she ain't. Why do I think that any attempt to apply the epithet to her would result in nothing more than the odd raised eyebrow or smirk?
There are some words that can never be reclaimed from public use. "Gay" will never mean merry, lively, bright or showy any more. I don't lament its loss, because it's found a perfectly reasonable substitute meaning. However, I regret the loss of "feminine" because it's effectively become a rather patronising insult.
Think about it. How many times have you described a girl as feminine without a slight wrinkle of the nose? An involuntary twitch around the mouth? When a girl heaped in dangly, spangly earrings and layers of chiffon dances into view don't you feel just a little bit leaden and elephantine? A tad dumpy and defensive? And yet at the same time you feel a huge surge of relief that you're a real woman, with the right to dress and carry yourself any way you like, at any time and with any company (within reason).
And since being feminine no longer applies to real women, I don't think it should apply to women at all.
Alex is the Deputy Editor of Shiny Shiny and she likes bags, shoes, dangly earrings and looking straggly in public.