Camilla Chafer explores real parenthood in her weekly column and explains why she isn't a card carrying "yummy mummy"...
I'm not a 'yummy mummy'. There, I've said it, it's out in the open. I'd have liked to have been but gosh, isn't it such an effort after scrubbing the kids to transform oneself into a chic, svelte, 'what this old thing I dragged out of the closet' type? I'm afraid after two children (The Boy, 8 and The Girl, 2), I've only just got back in to the practice of having my hair cut on a semi-regular basis and I can't seem to manage the art of pressing my clothes or pulling off that made-up glam mum look at quarter to nine in the morning (with the exception of a liberal dose of my new best friend No7 Instant Radiance Concealer). I'm still rather amazed, after all this time, that anyone else can either.
Of course, there's always plenty of yummies floating about to make you and me feel rotten. There's the newpaper columnist type who swans off to bijou cottages in Cornwall or their pal's place somewhere sunny and terrifically fashionable, who hosts dinner parties that don't come from hidden silver foil cartons, who has the nursery bedecked in Cath Kidston carpets and trendy handmade toys and name drops for Britain. And there's the business woman featured in the top glossy women's mag who has somehow made her first million by producing uber eco-friendly jewellery, lives in Notting Hill with her four doe-eyed kids and wears Marni trousers as every day wear.
There's the other yummy type that you see everyday - the dreaded school mum fash' pack who are skinny, consistently cheerful and always well dressed when you are slobbing out in the same jeans for an entire fortnight. Like me, you probably can't decide whether you hate them or secretly want to join them.
And there's that other type - the celeb yummy mummy who got rid of her pregnancy flab in three weeks flat thanks to a personal nutritionist, trainer and a tummy tuck she hopes you've put down to a metabolism faster than a toddler on the search for chocolate.
It's a lot of pressure to be under, isn't it? We're encouraged to be the 'have it all' generation - great job, great family, great body, great material stuff - but in reality, I'd say we are the 'do it all' generation - bring up perfect kids, hold down a demanding job and preferably look fab at all times. Without moaning.
I don't have time to subscribe to that. If I'm not hurtling to and from school, I'm looking after my toddler, trying to squeeze in several hours of work into half the time and trying not to collapse after several years without a full nights sleep.
Clothes shopping is a nightmare with kids and time away from them is rare. A 'pampering treat' is five minutes alone in the shower without someone asking me for something, anything, and a successful start to the day is one where I've put on the right amount of clothes - with complementing colours no less - and not forgotten something vital like The Boy's school bag and The Girl's shoes, both of which happened last week.
I don't cook from scratch every night and when I do, it's not strictly organic. The kids don't get their hand-loomed clothing from smart boutiques (it's more a combination of George, Primark, H&M and Next) and I feed them biscuits and chocolate as well as fruit and vegie snacks. I don't waft into school meetings looking like the epitome of the perfect, organised mother even though I do own several 'What Not To Wear' tomes.
So, no I'm not a 'yummy mummy' but I wonder if anyone labelled as 'yummy', really, truly is and whether it is something women really want to aspire to at all?
Camilla Chafer is a freelance journalist and long standing Shiny contributor. She edits Bridalwave and contributes to both Shiny Shiny and Hippyshopper. The phrase 'work/life balance' sends her slightly hysterical.
